I might accidentally get good at making these if I keep making them even though they're bad.

“Kitty Karry-All Is Missing” may actually be the first iconic episode of The Brady Bunch. It originally aired on November 7, 1969 - which, incidentally, was Christopher Knight’s 12th birthday. It was the 7th episode to air, and the 4th episode produced. It was the last episode to air that was directed by John Rich. (The last one produced was “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.”) This was also the last full episode to air with the original Tiger, who died during production of “Katchoo.”

As an aside, while I was preparing for this episode, my notebook with all of my notes for the episode reviews and other Brady related things that I do research for completely disappeared. I still have not found it and I live in a small apartment. I think the ghost of Tiger is mad that I think he should have been written out of the show much earlier than he was and he took my notebook, which… I can’t even be mad at that. I got the Brady treatment. I have a lot of notes here about the influences this episode has had on pop culture, but I decided to save those for the end. Without further ado, let’s get into the episode.

It only takes a second for tragedy to strike, though.

The episode very sweetly starts with Cindy singing a lullaby to Kitty Karry-All in the family room. Carol listens in from the kitchen. Mike casually strolls out from Alice’s area and says bye to Carol. Carol has Mike look in on the adorableness and comments on how many bottles Cindy’s given her doll. Mike says to get more little diapers ready and oh my gosh this is The Brady Bunch’s first bathroom joke. Mike leaves the house through Alice’s area - how does this make sense? He’s in the kitchen. The glass door has a more direct path to his car. I’m confused. Anyway, Carol leaves the kitchen to clean the kids’ room. Wait, where is Alice?

Just a boy walking and tooting.

Bobby and Tiger enter the family room. Bobby is playing his kazoo. Cindy silences Bobby because she’s putting her baby to sleep. Tiger barks, so Cindy shushes him, too. Bobby, in frustration, says he wishes Kitty Karry-All would disappear. Gee, I wonder what direct set-up is happening here? Bobby leaves the room. Cindy sets Kitty down to get her a bottle, but when she returns, Kitty is gone.

"He wasn't even in the room but he definitely did it."

Cindy calls for Carol to explain that Kitty is missing. Bobby returns, playing his kazoo again, and Cindy wastes no time in saying he is responsible for the disappearance of her doll. Bobby defends himself, but honestly if Cindy thought about it for five seconds she’d know she was wrong. Cindy says that when she returned from the kitchen, both Kitty and Bobby were gone, but Bobby left the room before Cindy did. No wonder Susan Olsen thought Cindy was dim. Of course, if Cindy thought about it and she wasn’t prone to making dumb choices, we wouldn’t have a plot and this is an iconic episode.

That's the way they became the Bathroom Battle Bunch.

Upstairs in the boys’ room, Greg and Peter interrogate Bobby. Ultimately, they believe him. Meanwhile, in the girls’ room, Marcia and Jan are listening to Cindy’s version of things and they believe her. Even though they shouldn’t. Cindy is an unreliable witness. Anyway, the boys and the girls decide to confront each other. It all comes to a shouting match in the kids’ shared bathroom. Carol and Mike come to break it up. Once the kids are separated into their rooms, Mike says that he’s going to talk to the kids. However, when Carol says she tried that, he decides to search the house from top to bottom.

Communication. It's not just for people with your last name.

Alice finally appears in the episode, cooking in the kitchen. Mike enters and walks silently past her, to the fridge. Alice really deserves better. Alice breaks the silence to ask if he needs help, but he says no as he continues his search for Kitty in the freezer. Alice is adequately confused. Then Mike looks in the oven. Alice believes Mike to have heat stroke and he never, ever decides that he needs to clarify. Communication, Bradys. It’s your friend.

Alice is reconsidering not quitting.

Alice sees Carol tearing apart the couch in the living room and when Carol says, “You’ll never guess what I’m looking for,” Alice correctly guesses, “doll.” But we don’t see if Carol is a better communicator than Mike because we cut to the girls’ room, where Marcia has found her lost earring and Jan has found her skate key. Alice enters as the girls give up the search in their room to see it disheveled, and it’s obvious that no, Carol didn’t tell Alice what was happening. Cool. The woman only cooks you meals and does your laundry, there’s no reason to tell her anything.

Alice is going to demand that raise now.

In the boys’ room, Bobby ponders where a doll might go and Greg says, “To me, sweetheart.” Oh my gosh, he is his father’s son. Peter complains that Greg only thinks about girls and Greg tells Peter to keep looking. Alice enters as the boys leave to search another location, still bewildered. As the boys walk downstairs, they complain about wasting their day looking for the doll, but when Bobby says he’s glad it’s gone, his brothers suddenly take Cindy’s side.

Bobby has been voted out of the Brady Kids.

Later, Carol looks out at the yard and tells Mike to look with her. The other five Brady kids are shunning Bobby. Carol doesn’t think it’s fair. I don’t either. It’s so super obvious he didn’t do it. Mike intervenes and talks to Marcia and Greg, since they’re the oldest. Mike talks to the kids about the judicial system then leaves to go shopping with Carol. Maybe he does have heat stroke. Greg points out no one saw Bobby take the doll - you know, because he didn’t - and Marcia agrees Bobby should have a fair trial before quipping, “Then we’ll hang him.” Season 1 Marcia, I miss you most of all.

Welcome to Brady Court.

The kids ask Alice to be their judge, and she begrudgingly agrees. Marcia is the DA and Greg is the defense. Peter and Jan are the jury. Nobody’s going to notice that Tiger hasn’t been seen since the beginning of the episode? No? Because he’s an ineffectual plot device? Cool, carry on. When Cindy takes the stand, she sticks to her story that Bobby took the doll because no one else was there. What in the fucking fuck Cindy. That’s not evidence. When Bobby takes the stand he insists he didn’t take Cindy’s doll because he wouldn’t do that to his sister. The jury is hung and does not reach a verdict, as Jan votes that Bobby is not guilty, but Peter votes that he is. During this whole fiasco, Alice manages to burn dinner.

The Brady adults are about to learn they can't even go shopping without the family dynamic changing.

A little later, in the yard, Greg and Bobby play catch. Mike and Carol return from shopping and see them playing. Greg asks Mike to play catch because Bobby doesn’t throw hard enough. Mike says to ask Peter but Greg shoots this idea down. Meanwhile, Marcia comes outside and asks Carol to tell Jan to return Marcia’s curlers. Carol asks Marcia to ask Jan herself, but Marcia refuses.

Even though she'll let her innocent brother hang, Cindy is sweet sometimes.

Later, in Mike’s den, Carol apologizes about dinner. Why?! You weren’t even home when it got burned. Carol and Mike then talk about the kids’ trial. Ultimately, they feel bad about Cindy and check in on her. Cindy says her prayers and asks for her entire family to be blessed, as well as Kitty Karry-All. Fun fact, I’ve been calling the doll by her name because I know it. I’m an avid fan of the show. But it wasn’t until this moment, about 15 minutes and 38 seconds in, that they ever said the doll’s name. She was just Cindy’s baby or the doll up to this point. After Cindy says her prayers and gets into bed, Mike and Carol kiss her goodnight and leave.

Cindy gives zero fucks about this elephant from "Africa."

On another day, Bobby enters the family room while playing his kazoo. Cindy is lounging in the room when he enters. He sees a new elephant toy that Carol got for Cindy, but she’s disinterested in it. Bobby likes, though. Tiger makes another appearance and there’s nothing suspicious about that, considering the only other time we saw him this episode Kitty disappeared. Bobby compliments the elephant toy but Cindy doesn’t think it holds a light to her doll. She again accuses Bobby of taking Kitty Karry-All. Cindy leaves the room in frustration. Bobby decides to play music for the elephant on his kazoo, but it’s gone. He blames Cindy. Oh my gosh how dumb are the Brady children. At what point, Bobby, was Cindy ever on the same side of the room as your kazoo?

Mike's real tired of these kids not understanding what evidence is.

Mike intervenes and says the kazoo could be in Bobby’s pocket, but Bobby empties his pockets and it’s not there. A lot of impossible things are, though. From which home did the young Robert Brady acquire a metal 5?! It’s the kind that one would find on either a mailbox or the side of a house. Mike explains to the kids that he believes them when they say the didn’t take each other’s things. Mike then talks to the kids about circumstantial evidence like they’re not younger than 10. Bobby and Cindy say they believe each other, but Cindy doesn’t actually mean it and she leaves the room. Carol enters the room and says she searched the house again but “no doll, no kazoo.” Um, did Carol take the kazoo? Or is she a witch? Because it definitely just disappeared a few moments ago and not when Carol started searching the entire house. Bobby realizes Cindy loves Kitty more than he loves his kazoo.

Bobby wants to be a good big brother.

Bobby uses his own money to buy the last Kitty Karry-All in the store. He only has three cents left over after the purchase. Cindy, the ingrate, does not like the doll. She runs off. While Carol and Mike discuss the situation, Tiger takes Fake Kitty. Carol and Mike witness this and chase after him. Ultimately, Mike finds the missing items in Tiger’s doghouse. Mike lectures Tiger, but Carol reminds Mike that Tiger needs a fair trial. Wow, Carol. Way to poke fun at Mike’s attempts at parenting while suffering a heat stroke. He tried, Carol. He tried.

Mike is upset that something terrible has allegedly happened to his golf club.

In the tag, Mike says he doesn’t understand how kids get attached to inanimate objects. Carol tells Mike that his lucky golf club is missing. When Mike becomes upset at the news, Carol reveals the club is safe and sound. Mike learns his lesson.

In an alternate take, it was red-head sister Phoebe who took Cindy's doll.

That’s it for this episode! Even when Tiger is a big part of it - he’s not. What’s the point of having a dog on the show if the dog is never on the show? However, I did say a couple of times that this might be the first iconic episode of The Brady Bunch, and it’s definitely left its mark on pop culture. The most obvious is this is one of the episodes Phoebe Brady was edited into, where she was the one to take Kitty Karry-All.

Wanda Maximoff gets it.

However, anybody who knows anything about Marvel series WandaVision knows The Brady Bunch inspired parts of the 70s episode “Now In Color,” and that episode does in fact have a Kitty Karry-All. Vision practices changing diapers on her - wonder if she’d consumed as many little bottles as Cindy had fed her own. This episode is also actually featured in WandaVision, as this is the episode of The Brady Bunch that Wanda watches in the Hydra compound after being exposed to the mind stone in “Previously On.” Over 50 years after the episode first aired, it’s still influencing modern television.

Even though I don’t think Tiger was ever a necessary part of the show, I do like “Kitty Karry-All Is Missing.” It’s one of the must watch Brady Bunch episodes, and even though the family is all suffering from varying forms of insanity this episode, it’s one that you are almost obligated to include in any Brady marathon. It’s not a highly rated episode on IMDB, but it’s truly one of the better Cindy episodes. In fact, it just edges out above “Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy” to not be the worst rated episode of the season. Also, none of the season 1 episodes rate as low as some season 4 and 5 episodes. They don’t even come close. There is another fun fact about this episode, which is the Kitty Karry-Alls in this episode eventually wound up in the possession of actresses Susan Olsen and Eve Plumb.

What do you think of the episode “Kitty Karry-All Is Missing?” Do you wish another episode had been featured on WandaVision? Let me know! I will be back next week to review the episode “A-Camping We Will Go.”

I said I'd stop trying to photo edit and yet I lied.

This post is going to look a little different than the rest. See, when I watch episodes, I take notes in a notebook to refer to when I type up the reviews and the research and all that fun stuff. I had reviewed this episode and started the background research for “Kitty Karry-All Is Missing” when the notebook disappeared. It’s kind of funny because of the episode I was about to watch, but I digress. I don’t want to ever make myself hate The Brady Bunch, so I didn’t want to so closely watch “A Clubhouse Is Not a Home” again. I did all the background research again, but my review is based on what I remember happening in the episode. This is the only episode I’ll be reviewing from memory, but it is a very recent memory. I’m more mad I lost my ideas for jokes.

“A Clubhouse Is Not a Home” is the sixth episode of The Brady Bunch to air. Many people mistakenly say it was the second episode produced, but that was “Dear Libby.” This one is the third. See, “The Honeymoon,” as the pilot, had a production code of 000. “Dear Libby” was 001 and “A Clubhouse Is Not a Home” was 002. That said, The Canonical Brady Bunch Episode Guide says that the first six episodes after the pilot - which are all directed by John Rich - were filmed as a group due to Florence Henderson’s schedule. That means that the production code for these episodes aren’t as important to continuity as it will be later in the episode. That said, this episode should have been second. It aired on October 31, 1969 and it’s a real weird choice for a Halloween episode. I have a theory that ABC didn’t feel very strongly about this episode and aired it on a night kids wouldn’t be home to watch it but that’s just my fan theory. This is one of the 8 first season episodes not available on any streaming service due to rights issues.

Without further ado, let’s get into the episode.

Six perfectly happy kids. Nothing will ever go wrong.

The episode starts with all six Brady kids playing harmoniously in the yard. Marcia and Greg play catch, and Jan and Peter push Bobby and Cindy on the swings. Carol and Mike watch on from the window, believing everything is perfect. Alice chimes in that blending a family will actually take some time, but Carol and Mike dismiss her because everything is paradise. These early episodes really telegraph what’s about to fall apart in the next two minutes.

Greg and Peter aren't even getting paid in pizza.

In this episode, all of Carol and the girls’ things arrive from storage. Mike and Carol’s entire arc for this episode revolves around trying to steal closet space from one another, so I’m okay I lost the notes for that. It’s wholly uninteresting and in the end it does get equally split 50/50. Mike makes the boys carry boxes into the girls’ room. The boxes are heavy and the boys seem resentful of the girls. The boys get real weird about it, though. It’s like they honestly hate the fact their new sisters own things. The boys eventually have enough and walk away from the job to hang out in their clubhouse.

A place to escape from the girls.

Mike joins the boys in the clubhouse and reminds the boys that he gave them the chance to tell him not to marry Carol. He asks them if they remember what they said. Peter and Bobby play dumb, but Greg says that they told Mike to marry Carol. Mike reminds the boys that marrying Carol meant that Marcia, Jan, and Cindy were always going to be part of the package. The boys agree to try to get along better with their sisters.

Happily Ever After didn't last long.

That doesn’t work at all. The boys all instantly find things to argue about with their new sisters. Mike, who has had enough of the arguing, tells the kids they now share things equally. Mike had a hidden exception, though, because when the boys protest because the girls decorated the clubhouse with curtains and carpets, Mike takes the boys’ side. Carol reminds Mike that he said everything was to be shared equally, but Mike said boys need their own space and the clubhouse was not for the girls. Carol asks what about if one of the boys wanted to play with one of the girl’s dollhouses, and Mike said he’d take them to the psychiatrist. Wow. Also, wasn’t he the one that said “sounds fun” when Cindy wanted Bobby to play with her dollhouse in “The Honeymoon?” Mike makes Carol cry and apologizes, but he doesn’t change his mind so it’s a fake apology.

Women's rights are human rights.

The girls and the boys still continue to fight over the clubhouse. Greg and Marcia separately ask Alice who’s right about the clubhouse, but Alice refuses to take a side. However, later, Alice watches a movie on TV and a character named Sandra talks about equality. This makes Alice take a side and she comes up with a scheme with Carol. Carol and the girls pretend to make a clubhouse for the girls and Mike and the boys watch, thinking it’s hilarious - until the frame falls. Mike and the boys go outside to build the clubhouse. Does Mike include the girls and help them learn how to build something for real? No, he tells them their job is to make lemonade. Fucking 1969, man.

From painting the walls to making the lemonade, everyone made this clubhouse.

After the clubhouse for the girls is done and Mike makes a speech congratulating everyone for coming together to make it, the boys’ clubhouse collapses. When they ran out of nails, Bobby had taken them from the boys’ clubhouse. The boys, instead of buying nails to rebuild their clubhouse, decide that they’ll just steal the girls’. This results in a fight that is not resolved on camera, not that it matters because we never see either clubhouse again. The end.

Brady equality inspired by Alice watching a movie.

Fun fact, Sandra from the movie Alice is watching is voiced by June Foray. Though June Foray has a lot of notable voice roles, it’s worth noting that she’s the voice of the original Chatty Cathy. Maureen McCormick had been in commercials for Chatty Cathy as a child, and in 1970 she would go on to be the new voice of Chatty Cathy.

What are your thoughts on this episode? Why is Mike Brady so sexist? Again, I apologize for this review looking slightly different, but things will be back to normal next week when I do a deep dive into “Kitty Karry-All is Missing.”

I'm not a photo editor and yet this week I thought I would try...

“Katchoo” is one hell of a doozy, from tragic backstory to the inaneness of the plot. This episode was the fifth episode to air and the fifth episode produced. It first aired on October 24, 1969, and is one of the episodes that is not available on any streaming services due to a rights issue. During the filming of this episode, the original dog to play Tiger died when struck by a vehicle. He was replaced with a look alike dog that was apparently way worse at acting. The replacement dog is the reason Tiger wasn’t used often after this episode - but of the three episodes produced between the pilot and this one, we know Tiger isn’t in one of them at least. I may or may not have notes for several episodes right now and I may or may not have noticed that Tiger may actually be absent from two of those three episodes, but I don’t actually remember off the top of my head.

I already trust nothing about this set up.

The episode starts with the kids coming downstairs, being super smiley. I already don’t trust that. Mike comes down the stairs behind them. Alice and Carol are waiting by the front door, smiling. What in the horror movie…? Carol kisses everyone and Alice hands them their lunch - what an efficient Stepford family. Alice hands Mike a lunch, but noticing that isn’t right apologizes because she thought he was one of the kids. Why is there an extra lunch? Phoebe Brady?! No, it’s just that Jan hasn’t come down yet. Jan comes down all stuffy and sneezy, leading to Carol and Alice trying to diagnose her right there in the living room. Neither of these women have medical training. It is decided that Jan is staying home.

Poor, sick Jan...

Checkers was a way to pass time in pre-Internet times.

In the girls’ room, Carol and Jan play checkers. Jan wins and she wants to play again but Carol says Mike is coming home for lunch. Carol also notices that Jan seems to be feeling better, so she calls Mike to let him know that Jan doesn’t seem so sick anymore. Mike asks if he shouldn’t come home for lunch then, but Carol says his favorite dish will be waiting. Mike’s favorite dish is Carol, by the way. It’s both of them now.

Carol has a realization.

In the kitchen, Carol and Alice talk about how weird it was that Jan’s symptoms went away. However, as the two talk it out, it helps Carol realize it could be an allergy. Alice is convinced Jan is allergic to flour and I can already see where this is going. Carol isn’t so convinced and wants to check with the doctor. Alice says it’s his opinion, too, and I need to remind everyone that Alice does not have medical training. Also, I happen to know for a fact the girls formerly named Martin have a female doctor so way to be sexist Alice. It’s 1969. Women have been doctors for 120 years.

Such a good flo(u/we)r pun that I can't spell...

Carol and Alice bring a variety of flowers and flour to Jan up in her room and I am livid, just livid, that spelling ruins a perfectly good pun here. Fucking homophones… Anyway, none of it makes Jan sneeze. I’m also disappointed that Alice didn’t just throw flour into Jan’s face while trying to sneakily see if Jan is allergic to it. That feels so much more Brady than having her try to sniff it.

Downstairs, Alice and Carol keep trying to figure out what Jan is allergic to. Alice mentions an article about a woman being allergic to her husband. I don’t know how “based on a true story” Alice’s article is, but being allergic to another human is an actual possible phenomenon. Alice concludes that Jan is allergic to one of the Brady males. That is the moment that Mike comes home for lunch.

Is Jan allergic to her new dad?!

Mike goes up to see Jan in her room. As soon as he enters the room, Jan gets all stuffy and sneezy. It would seem to someone that Jan was allergic to Mike, but that someone also wouldn’t know that Tiger is hiding in the room behind Jan’s bed. Alice and Carol extract Mike from the room and tell him that Jan is allergic to him. After confirming that Jan feels better after Mike left the room, it seems certain. Because Tiger left the room at the same time. Also, can we just discuss how ridiculous it is that three grown adults jumped to the conclusion that Jan was allergic to another human before they considered the dog? Dogs are much more common allergens than humans.

At least it's not Mike making her sneeze.

However, while the downtrodden adults seem to be pondering how they can put Jan up for adoption, Tiger goes back into the girls’ room and Jan starts sneezing again. The adults see Tiger in the girls’ room and they rush to get him out. Jan feels better once Tiger is gone, and Mike and Carol conclude that Jan is allergic to him. After Carol jokes how glad she is that they don’t have to get rid of Mike, she realizes that they’ll have to do something about Tiger. Backup. Get rid of Mike? We all know Jan would be put up for adoption. That’s the easier, less messy solution. Sorry Jan, don’t be allergic to your next parents I guess. I digress. Jan doesn’t want to get rid of Tiger so she tries to force herself to not be allergic to him. However, she just can’t stop her sneezing when he’s around.

These are real dog people.

The adults are in the kitchen, sad about having to give up Tiger, and they’re all worried about telling the boys. Mike decides to tell the boys and leaves the room to tell them right then. What - at school? How long did this conversation take? What is time on this show? Alice also chooses this moment to say to Carol “we had Tiger before we had Bobby.” We? In “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” we learned that Alice worked for the Bradys for about 7 and a quarter years, but Bobby is 8. What we? Anyway, Carol calls out Alice’s bad timing, and Alice semi-apologizes.

Did Mike really not think the boys would pick Tiger over Jan?

In the yard, Mike tells the boys that Jan has an allergy. Greg - pure, sweet, innocent, good big brother Greg - blindly says to get rid of whatever it is. Mike reveals Jan’s allergic to Tiger. Bobby asks where Jan is going to live. That is a fair question coming from someone who has never known a life without his dog, and at least he’s a lot more honest with himself about his priorities than the adults are. However, Mike says that they’re keeping Jan and Tiger will live with the grandparents. Peter and Bobby try to insist they can just keep Jan and Tiger apart, but Mike says it’s impossible.

The time has come to say goodbye....

Upstairs, in the boys’ room, they prepare to say goodbye to Tiger. In their room. That is only separated from the girls’ room by a bathroom. That’s like, what? 12 feet away, max? And their suggestion was to keep Jan and Tiger separated? The Brady boys may never win quite as many academic trophies as Marcia. The boys say goodbye but, much to their frustration, Tiger is more interested in his bone.

"Let's give Tiger a bath!"

In the girls’ room, Jan explains to Marcia and Cindy about her allergy. Cindy starts crying because she wants to keep Tiger. Cindy’s probably asked for a dog for years before Carol married Mike. Her tears have that energy. Marcia decides that Tiger just needs a good bath and Jan won’t sneeze anymore. Marcia and Cindy give Tiger a bath in the kids’ shared bathroom.

"Let's give Tiger a bath!"

Meanwhile, Greg has a brilliant idea. If they give Tiger a good bath, Jan won’t sneeze anymore. However, when the three boys try to wash Tiger in the kids’ shared bathroom, Tiger won’t get into the tub.

"Alice, make sure Tiger gets a really good bath."

Later that night, after the kids all go to bed, Carol sneaks downstairs. She wants to see if everything is ready for Tiger’s bath. Alice confirms it is, and then we see Alice washing Tiger in a metal tub in the laundry room. With Alice, Tiger walks right out of the tub while he’s still all soaped up. This poor dog is done.

The cleanest dog in LA County.

In the middle of the night, we see Mike wake up. He sneaks out of the bedroom to go downstairs and give Tiger a bath in a metal tub in the laundry room. Why is this episode happening. Also, I’m calling pre-emptive bullshit. I already know how this episode ends, I’m calling bullshit.

But why are they really doing Jan this dirty on the fifth episode?

The next day, everyone minus Jan comes downstairs to shower Tiger with love. I almost feel like the decision to get rid of Tiger instead of Jan was decided by a coin toss. Jan comes downstairs and everyone, including herself, tries to gaslight her into believing her allergy is gone. Jan would have been better off being put up for adoption, really. Also, Jan’s allergy is not gone. Mike decides this means Tiger is going to grandma’s. Everyone says their goodbyes except for Jan, who watches sadly in the distance.

This is great news!

Mike leaves with Tiger and the kids go into the kitchen to eat breakfast. The Brady kids, especially the Brady boys, are all cold toward Jan. God damn. No wonder she wishes to be an only child later. Alice suddenly remembers Tiger’s flea powder and asks one of the kids to rush it out to Mike before he drives off. Jan is the only volunteer. Really? No one wants to stop her from being near the dog they believe her to be allergic to? This is America’s perfect family? Anyway, once Jan has the powder in her hand she starts uncontrollably sneezing. Carol realizes it’s the flea powder and they should stop Mike from leaving. Suddenly there are five kids volunteering to run out the car. Wow, they really do love Jan less than the dog.

Jan and Tiger, BFFs.

In the episode tag, Tiger sleeps in Jan’s bed. The Brady parents watch on, allowing this one time exception.

What is this episode. There’s so many reasons it just doesn’t need to exist. One… it was never going to end with the family getting rid of Tiger, and knowing what we know in the future, that ending would have given the least amount of headaches. Tiger never even makes it to season three anyway. But also, the biggest heap of bullshit is the 9,000 minutes dedicated to Tiger’s baths. Flea powder comes off in baths. Even if Alice reapplied after her bath, we’ve all met Mike Brady - he didn’t. And if we’re supposed to believe flea powder doesn’t all come off in a bath - how was Tiger sleeping in Jan’s bed in the end? I get where Robert Reed was coming from on some of these episodes, and I love The Brady Bunch wholeheartedly.

Before the deep dive, this wasn’t one of my favorite episodes but I could at least be entertained by it. I honestly may never watch this episode again. I don’t feel that much of a need to. I can never unfeel these feelings.

However, for those of you who have not been turned off on watching this episode and want to experience it again for yourself but are disappointed that it’s not on streaming, let me remind you that it is available on The Brady-est Brady Bunch TV & Movie Collection or the Season 1 DVD.

What are your memories of this episode? Do you think it would have saved a lot of turmoil to just write the dog out of the series - or never even have this episode? Do you believe Jan would be better off adopted by a different family? Should I never try to edit another photo collage cover for these posts? Talk to me about it! I’ll see you next week with “A Clubhouse Is Not a Home.”

Last week, I talked about how Christopher Knight had announced he and Barry Williams would be hosting a podcast together. That link will also tell you some of the places around the interwebs that you can listen to said podcast.

I listened to it on launch day. I let it keep me company on my commute to work, and let me tell you...

It was the funnest 38 minutes I've had on my way to work lately. I mean, my commute was 50 minutes, and so 12 minutes were kinda boring, but the other 38 minutes delivered.

I'm not going to tell you any of the details of what they talked about because listen to the podcast. But there were plenty of laugh out loud moments between Barry and Chris's banter and just their memories of the show. Also, they're not afraid to point out what they don't think aged well, which I appreciate. I also learned that Barry was always quite un-Brady-like himself, which... as a blog for un-Brady-like Brady fans, I super appreciate that! I mean, he's not dropping F-bombs like he's got an overabundance like I do, but... you'll see when you listen to it. You'll appreciate it, too.

Have any of you listened to the podcast yet? What did you think about it? Will you be listening again next week? Let me know!

A little bold to say they were a hit but I'll allow it.

I recently discovered that back during The Brady Bunch’s original TV run, there were a few tie-in novels released. I asked people if I should try to acquire them and read them, but I waited for no one’s response before I had ordered the first one, simply named The Brady Bunch. When I saw reviews for the book, I read that it was deeply terrible and I was so ready to tear into it.

It’s bad, but I’ve read worse. I’m genuinely disappointed.

Let me start with what the book is about and go from there.

Carol’s friend Maggie had tickets to the quiz show Stunts and Stumpers, but Maggie’s husband had a last minute business trip to Chicago and couldn’t go. Maggie, who was a big fan of the program, couldn’t let the tickets go to waste and gave them to Carol and Mike. Mike didn’t want to go, but Carol basically made him. When they get to the studio, the show’s host Jackie Jackson handpicks Mike and Carol to be the third couple on the show. The idea is they might not even get on the show, but both of the other couples bomb out fast. Carol gets her question correct but the show ends before Mike, who had been suffering from stage fright, can get his question wrong, which gives them a week to study. And they win. And win. And win. The audience loves them, the network loves them - but the kids and Alice are very unhappy and willing to do anything just to get their parents (or employers, in Alice’s case) back. Everything comes to a head when Mike and Carol get their own morning show, leading them to see just how wrong everything has become and leading them to walk away from their stardom.

This book came out after the pilot and there were clearly no other reference episodes, so a lot of mistakes in the book were simply because of the changes made between the first two episodes. For example, it is stated that the Bradys live in a ranch house, when they live in a two story house - but the house used in the pilot was a ranch house. The girls call Mike by his first name and the boys call Carol by her first name - but again, they did that in the pilot, too. Tiger and Fluffy both live with the Bradys when we know Fluffy was never seen again after the honeymoon.

That said, some things about the book were just wrong. For example, Alice calling Mr. and Mrs. Brady by their first names - she would never and she did never. Even in the pilot she called Carol “Mrs. Martin.” The book made me look up the word “prosaically” three sentences in - ironically, it means to state something without flowery language. It said the age range for the kids was 13-5, but Cindy was 6. It said Mike was approaching middle age at 38, and I’m 38 so that’s clearly incorrect. The book made me look up the word “contretemps,” which means a dispute or disagreement. I teach ELA, no book should make me feel this dumb, especially when it’s dumb. Mike and Carol’s morning show was in black and white even though it was 1969 and the only networks still in black and white were PBS predecessor NET and UHF channels.

There’s so many things to nitpick in this book that I’m now going to break it up into categories: mischaracterizations, shit that was just dumb, and what I actually didn’t hate. I’m going to start with the shit that’s dumb, because I need to.

The writer was clearly just lazy, and that’s evident in the names of all the Hollywood people in the book. There’s Stunts and Stumpers host Jackie Jackson, manager of personalities Solomon I. Solaman, advertiser Walter W. Walter, and the director of The Mike and Carol Show, Danny Daniel. Also, you can’t convince me Jackie Jackson isn’t just The Joker. His audience signs say “applause” and “shut up,” and a running gag in the book is old ladies in the audience laughing so hard they have to be carried off on stretchers. Jackie Jackson also has the biggest problems - a bit of real life history, quiz shows used to be rigged and that’s why they fell from grace. In universe, Jackie Jackson hosted a quiz show in this era and he himself fell from grace because it was rigged. Stunts and Stumpers was his return, and he wanted quiz shows to make such a comeback he actually kind of predicted Who Wants to be a Millionaire? However, the one thing he’s insistent on is not rigging the show so nobody can say it’s rigged and ruin him again. So he rigs the show - and then like forgets that he did. At one point, Carol and Mike say they have more accurate information than the show likely does, and he changes the answers on the cards he has. On TV. And everyone was just supposed to forget that happened because at the end it comes back that they suspect the show was rigged because Maggie got the tickets from her cousin who works at the show. It’s just so dumb.

Let’s get into some mischaracterizations. I’m going to start with Alice, because I’ve already mentioned how she would never call Mr. and Mrs. Brady by their first names, then sprinkle in some Marcia, Bobby, Cindy, Mike, and Carol in that order.

I took this picture to show just how old the book was, but noticed you can see one of the worst mischaracterizations.

Alice is funny, no one can deny that. But she’s witty. In the book, though, Alice is pretty dumb. When Mike has stage fright on the show, Alice yells advice at the TV. That’s fine. We’ve all been there. But then when she’s told that Mike can’t hear her because he’s at the studio, she opens a window and starts yelling out of it. She would never. Alice is not that dumb.

Marcia is Lolita now, I guess. Her crush on her dentist in series was one thing. She misread some signals and it was all pretty innocent. In this book, however, Marcia lures a teacher she has a crush on to her house under false pretenses to try to spend some time alone with him. What in the ever loving fuck? Luckily for all of us, Marcia’s teacher is obsessed with trivia and enjoys exchanging facts with Carol.

They basically made Bobby the Cindy of this book. Like, he’s not as dim as Cindy is on the show, even though they did imply he believes in Superman at the age of 8, but he has the reputation of being a tattletale in the book. Where did they even get that from?

They did Cindy so fucking dirty.

Cindy is less dim in the book and yet they somehow still did her dirty. Cindy has one of my favorite moments in the book, which I’m going to save for the part I like section of this review. She also suggests arson to solve a problem at one point, which made me smile. But her description was that she looked like she was going to lisp. How does one look like that? Also, all of her lines are written with the lisp spelled out. It’s annoying as fuck to read, also it doesn’t work for “ears.” You know what “ears” is with the lisp spelled out is? Earth. Earth. That’s already another word with a different pronunciation than was intended.

Mike is kind of just a jerk in this book and part of the beginning of the end for the Brady parents’ fame is him and Carol considering tax fraud on live TV. He would never. Also, he eats a tuna and watermelon preserve sandwich at one point, and that’s just a life error. I’m a worse person for having read that.

Carol got done the dirtiest of all. They turned her into a ditz! She has an evening key and a daytime key and justifies it by asking Mike if he’d wear the same shoes in the evening as he did in the daytime. That’s literally not even close to being the same thing. She gets verbal diarrhea every time she’s on camera, which I could have forgiven, except in one of these word vomit moments she tells everyone she has a strange mind. What’s a strange mind? She forgets to turn off the iron but can remember useless trivia. I have ADHD and that sounds like ADHD, but they wouldn’t have known that in 1969. The actual intention was for Carol to be dumb. Because she was blonde, perhaps? I don’t know. I’m not William Johnston, and he died in 2010 and can’t answer for these crimes. 

Before moving on to what I like, there are some characterization notes that I don’t know where to put them, so I’ll just put them here. Carol and Mike, despite being on the same team on the quiz show, constantly argued about whose category was better and who was going to get more points. I wrote the note “pretty ambitious for a Brady Bunch novel to be pushing the Bradys toward divorce,” and that is pretty ambitious for having been written between the first and the second episode. Also, at another point in the book, Bobby says point blank that he wants to divorce his dad and… that’s even more ambitious. They went well past silly misadventure in this novel.

Okay. What I liked. Actually, there’s only one thing I liked. It made me laugh. When Mike and Carol are on the quiz show, before the kids are sick of it, they make a rule that the kids have to clap and cheer just as much for their biological parent as their non-biological parent. At one point, Greg believes Cindy clapped more for Carol than Mike and Cindy responds, “I was younger then and had more childish enthusiasm.” I mean, the lisps were spelled out in the book, so I wrote it better, but it still made me laugh. That’s especially a clever line for Cindy. I do actually also enjoy thinking that Jackie Jackson is The Joker. I have a doctorate in Harley Quinn history, so I know a lot about The Joker because of my studies, and from his inhuman smile to his frantic behavior, it’s The Joker. Also, the book was a pretty fast read. I knocked it out a lot faster than it takes me to even watch an episode of The Brady Bunch these days. Even if it made me look up words nobody ever uses, I appreciate something that doesn’t waste my time.

I can’t recommend this book in good faith. It’s not even bad enough to be really fun. It’s just subpar, which is worse. I mean, I’m still going to try to acquire the other tie-in novels to review them because I’m an idiot. But smart people will avoid this book once they have been warned.

Are you a smart person who has read this book before you understood what it was? Are you an idiot who went out of their way to read this book? What did you think of it? I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

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