Before getting into the episode, I made a note that made me realize that I need to clarify something about myself. It might help you understand the lens I just see the world through, even when I don’t necessarily want to. I’m biracial, half black and half white. A lot of my experiences seem fairly “white,” because I was raised by my white family, but I’m still very much a black person and my parents did a very good job of making sure I embraced that about myself. It does mean, however, I sometimes see racism where others don’t. You’ll see when I get there. I’m also thinking that after I finish all five seasons of the original series, I just kind of make a post where I will point out things I think The Brady Bunch did well in this regard, and what may have flown because it was 1969-1974, but then also mention the things that should have just never been said. I just want to wait because the writer of this episode wrote two more, and then there’s “Kelly’s Kids” in season 5. So, if you disagree with the comments I make in this review I apologize, but I can't change the fact that I was offended. Even if that wasn’t the intention, and I honestly don't believe it was intended, it doesn’t change what actually happened; however, I will give credit where credit is due eventually. I would not like The Brady Bunch if I thought it was inherently racist.

With that out of the way, let’s go ahead and get into the episode.

Who needs a mom when you have an Alice?

We start with Bobby running into the house, calling for Alice. He fell off his bike after running over a banana and has a banged up knee. While Alice starts preparing to patch up Bobby’s knee, Carol enters to investigate all the noise she heard. After hearing what happened, Carol offers to patch Bobby up, but he says Alice can do it. Carol is hurt, and Alice tries to get Bobby to go with Carol. Bobby doesn’t want to, though, because he likes how Alice does it. Carol is glad that Bobby is okay and puts on a brave face before walking away. Alice calls Bobby out on the fact that he passed up on a good opportunity, but Bobby doesn’t catch on. Alice tells Bobby that she’s actually too busy right now and he needs to go upstairs and have Carol take care of it.

The way Jan is looking at Bobby's knee, she may be a vampire.

In the kids’ shared bathroom, Carol patches up Bobby’s knee while Jan and Cindy watch. Y’all, this is not an operation theatre. This feels like a HIPAA violation. Alice, while doing Alice work upstairs, stops by the bathroom to check on Bobby and moves on after seeing he’s in good hands.

Mike Brady is useless at looking for people.

Later, Mike is holding a shirt in the kitchen and calling for Alice, barely looking for her. Alice appears from her little Alice nook, so it’s cool Mike hasn’t learned to knock on doors or anything instead of just screaming. Mike asks Alice to fix a button on his shirt. Alice starts to comply, but then says she’s behind schedule and sends him to ask his wife. Mike leaves, immediately screaming “Carol!” Goddammit, Mike, you look with your eyes.

The Brady boys were clearly raised by an untamed individual.

Later, in the backyard, Greg and Peter are arguing over a baseball glove. Alice comes into the yard to see what’s going on. Greg screams the situation at Alice. What the fuck, Greg? I get you’re upset with Peter, that doesn’t mean you can scream at Alice, you little animal. Then Peter also screams at Alice. Oh my god, these kids suck. Alice won’t put herself into the argument and tells the boys to talk to their mother. This one might not have been about building up Carol, and honestly, good for Alice. You don’t deserve to be screamed at for any reason.

Things get resolved so much easier when you use an inside voice.

Carol goes into the boy’s room with Peter and Greg so Peter can show where he left his glove. Carol thought baseball season was over and had put the glove away. Carol returns Peter’s glove to him, and asks him if he thinks he owes Greg an apology. Peter Brady then in that moment invents the non-apology and it’s hilarious. “Greg, I owe you an apology.” Greg’s eyes give away his dissatisfaction with that response, and honestly I feel like the Brady kids never get enough credit for being good child actors. Carol calls out the non-apology and Peter apologizes for real. Carol leaves and Greg seems impressed with Carol’s parenting.

Carol briefly forgot she's been a mother for over a decade.

Mike sees Alice in the kitchen and asks if Carol is upstairs. After Alice confirms, I swear that Mike takes literally one step away from Alice and bellows for Carol. Oh my fucking God, Mike. Carol rushes down and tells Mike how happy she is that the boys are coming to her for their problems. Carol says she’s starting to feel like a mother and a wife. What the fuck, Carol? You have three daughters. This is your second marriage. What did you feel like before? Anyway, Alice overhears how happy Carol is and seems pretty proud of herself.

Alice single-handedly saved this family.

Greg has to explain wanting to spend time with his mother to Alice.

Later, in the living room, Greg comes home and asks Alice where Carol is. He wants her to help with his math homework. Alice offers to help, but Greg says his mom is a real whiz at that stuff and she’s helped him two other times that week. Greg goes upstairs and does not scream for Carol, so he somehow raised himself to be better than his dad and brothers. Alice is very disappointed that Greg doesn’t need her help with homework, though.

Alice is excited when the mailman delivers his package.

Later, still in the living room, the mailman comes to deliver a big package to the Brady residence. Alice thinks it’s a telescope she helped the boys send out for. Alice bellows for the boys. Ok. I see. Everyone is an animal. The boys rush down and immediately want to show the telescope to Carol. Alice is very upset, since she was very excited to share this with the boys.

The Brady girls have a parenting intervention.

Now we see Cindy and Jan in the girls’ room. Marcia brings Carol into the room. They tell Carol something is happening that they don’t understand. The girls explain that Carol has been spending so much time with the boys that they think Carol thinks the boys are more important than they are. I commend the Brady girls for having the emotional intelligence to bring this to Carol’s attention and clarify things. It’s very healthy. It’s also an understandable concern since this is literally the first time we’ve seen Marcia all episode. Carol apologizes for making the girls feel so low and explains that the boys haven’t had a mother in awhile and she wants them to know that she loves them as much as she loves the girls. All’s forgiven and they fall into a giggly dogpile of hugs.

Alice could benefit from some improv classes.

Alice, however, is still upset and she does not address things in the emotionally healthy way. She meets with Mike and Carol after dinner to quit, claiming she has a sick aunt in Seattle that she needs to take care of. Mike asks Alice not to quit outright, taking a few weeks to assess the situation because she’s been with the family for a long time. Alice acknowledges it has been 7 years, 4 months, 13 days, and 9 and a half hours. That’s since Bobby was a baby, wow. Alice is a terrible liar, though, and keeps changing details of her story. She keeps getting caught, too, but it’s not like the Bradys can do anything. She’s quitting, not embezzling funds.

The girls want to talk about their feelings. The boys are not here for it.

That night, in the boys’ room, the boys are upset that Alice is leaving. The girls come in because they want to talk about Alice, but Greg shuts them down. Rude. Marcia seems to understand why Greg is shutting them out, though, and ushers her sisters out of the room. Marcia is honestly the VIP of this episode. I wish everyone had the emotional intelligence Marcia has in this episode.

In Carol and Mike’s room, they talk about Alice leaving. Carol is upset and Mike says, “We can’t make her stay. Abraham Lincoln put a stop to that.” Wow. What the fuck. This broke me so far out of the episode it made me remember Robert Reed’s role in Roots. I do not blame Robert Reed for the line at all, it’s just that bad of a line. So I immediately looked up the writer of this episode, Paul West, to see how racist he was. He wrote for Amos ‘n’ Andy, so pretty damn. I get that 1969 was a different time, but how was ever joking about slavery cool? Anyway, back into the episode. The Brady parents want Alice to stay and are confused by how suddenly she decided to quit. Carol wants to find out the truth and Mike jokingly asks if Carol wants to try different torture techniques on Alice and I’m very concerned about who Paul West was as a human. Mike realizes Alice’s workload doubled after the wedding and he never even offered her more money. He says he needs to give Alice a raise even if it hurts a little. If Mike Brady was an employer right now in The Great Resignation, he’d be one of the businesses that do not have staffing issues for sure.

The next day, Alice turns down the raise, insisting that money wasn’t the problem. She sticks with her sick aunt story, but relocates her from Seattle to Sacramento. This does not go unnoticed by Mike. Alice is a terrible liar. She's old enough she should know that about herself - why did she not make up another plan?

How does four kids begging Alice to stay not make her feel wanted?

Later, the boys and Cindy watch Alice pack. Cindy says she and her sisters were starting to love Alice. Alice seems moved by this statement and admits that she’ll miss all of the kids. Bobby asks Alice that if she’ll miss them, why she’s leaving them and Alice sticks to her terrible, not at all thought out story.

It's awful convenient that all of the backdoors are open.

In the other room, the phone rings, and it’s for Alice. Marcia and Jan ride up on their bikes just in time to overhear that Alice has no plans, she just didn’t feel needed anymore. Marcia immediately pulls Carol aside into the parents’ room to tell her about the conversation she accidentally overheard. Carol immediately calls Mike at work to tell him about it. Mike tells Carol to tell Alice they need her, but Carol says that they have to show her. Show, don’t tell is a common phrase in writing and I’m really glad they found a way to tell us about it in this episode.

Then one day the family had a scam, and they knew it was much more than a hunch...

Carol and Mike pull the kids into the parents’ room and devise a plan. Everyone says they know their parts. In the next scene, Carol runs into Alice organizing the kitchen, and Carol tells her to stop and relax. Then Carol says that she and Mr. Brady have a formal thing later but Carol will make dinner before they go. Then Marcia comes in to say she has to go to a club meeting. Carol agrees to take Marcia, but then Alice asks about dinner and Carol says she’ll make it when she gets back and that Alice should relax. Alice reminds Carol and Marcia they forgot the cake and gets it for Marcia. Then Mike needs help looking for his tux, which Alice helps with. Then Peter comes in to say that Tiger’s run away. Like four episodes ago. We have not seen the dog since the wedding. I do know Tiger is in next week’s episode, which was produced before this one, but even that was two episodes before this one and I don’t know that Tiger was in any other episodes before this one was produced. Anyway, Bobby and Cindy get into a fight in the kitchen. Then suddenly Greg and Marcia both need rides home. Dinner still needs to happen. Then Peter and Bobby cover Mike in mud.

Alice hasn't left yet and it appears all will be lost without her.

At that moment, Alice decides to stay. Alice does call out Mr. and Mrs. Brady for acting by telling them that since they have to leave the house anyway to keep it up, they should go out and have fun. Alice is so sweet. Alice tells them all the reasons why she caught on, but she figures that if the Bradys went to so much work to show her how needed she was, then they must mean it. However, you would think someone who can catch even the most thought out lie so easily would be so much better at lying so I'm still kind of disappointed.

There's a fine line between being needed and being used.

In the tag, Carol and Mike have like 97 requests for Alice, but Alice sets healthy boundaries. So proud of her.

Slavery joke aside, I do really like this episode. Everyone is still going through adjustments and sometimes overcompensating leaves people hurt. Alice wasn’t the only one hurt in this episode, she just was the only one who decided to run away instead of talking about it. When the girls were hurt, they talked about it and had a very easy resolution. Considering that in “Dear Libby” Alice was the one who said talking about it is what fixes problems, it seems odd that she wouldn’t follow her own advice. But it is otherwise a very enjoyable episode. I decided at this moment that after the season is done, I’ll rank the episodes in the order I like them in, since I know it will be different than the IMDB ratings.

What are your thoughts about this episode? Do you disagree with me about anything?  Let me know! Next week, we will be diving into the episode “Katchoo.”

“Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy” is tied with “Mike’s Horrorscope” as the lowest rated episode of the season on IMDB. I honestly don’t remember “Mike’s Horrorscope” off the top of my head, but I very much hard disagree with “Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy” being a low rated episode. Granted, it’s still rated a 6.7 - even low rated episodes of The Brady Bunch aren’t that low. I think even “Kelly’s Kids” is a 5.4. I still hard disagree with this episode being rated lower than “Dear Libby” and I promise to get into that more later. First, let’s get into a little background information.

“Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy” is apparently loosely based on a true story that happened at Sherwood Schwartz daughter Hope’s school when she was a kid. There were a lot of school events happening on the same night, and given the capacity of the auditorium and fire codes, the students were only allowed to invite one parent to the show. While Hope just rolled with it, there was a younger kid at her school who had a new stepfather he was just bonding with and desperately wanted both his mom and his stepfather to come. I don’t know how it all turned out for that kid. I hope it worked out. I hope it was okay.

I do know how it turned out on The Brady Bunch though, so, without further ado, let’s get into the episode!

I've never been so prepared so early to face heartbreak.

The episode starts with Cindy coming home, excited because she got the lead role of The Fairy Princess in her school play. Mike and Carol are so excited for her, and Cindy is looking forward to her whole family seeing her perform. They really don’t waste time in setting you up to be emotionally crushed.

Cindy Brady is one of the hardest working actresses in LA.

That night, the entire pajama clad family enters the girls’ room to see that Cindy fell asleep over her script. This episode does flow appropriately, but it’s really weird to explain the transitions. Picture the entire second act is a montage, because it is but not in the sense a lot of people are used to when they say a montage. It is a series of scenes that go quickly, but not as quickly as you might think, and they all convey the same theme. Anyway, when Mike starts to get Cindy into bed, she starts saying lines from the script. It’s honestly adorable.

Mike Brady does not have an off button.

In the next scene, Cindy is practicing lines from the play in the living room. Carol and Mike help Cindy rehearse, but Mike Brady is Mike Brady and while pretending to be a frog, he chases Carol out of the room. Cindy shakes her head, clearly not amused with Mike’s horny toad antics.

Jan Brady knows how to give her audience what they want.

Cindy reads lines in her room that night, and Jan tells Cindy she can’t just read the words, she needs to bring them to life. Jan demonstrates by pretending to be poisoned and dramatically dying. Marcia, and the boys who were apparently watching in the doorway for some reason, applaud Jan’s death. Why are the boys there? Explain, please. If they just heard a noise, why didnt’ them come through the shared bathroom? Jan bounces up to take her bow, and Cindy is offended that Jan is getting all the applause when Cindy is supposed to be the lead.

The Brady boys are too good at tuning out their youngest sister.

Safety first.

This part is where we stop the montage and the scenes follow a normal pace and we have normal transitions again. Bobby sets a turtle I’m 1000% we never see again, not even after this scene in this episode, in the yard so it can stretch its legs before running off to play ball with Greg and Peter. Cindy comes into the yard, rehearsing her lines. Cindy climbs up on a crate and jumps off to practice flying. Bobby is upset because Cindy could have landed on the turtle. Bobby should be upset at Bobby for leaving the turtle unsupervised, but that’s neither here nor there. Cindy apologizes, but explains what she was doing. Greg and Peter offer to show Cindy how she’ll fly on the stage. They use their belts and the clothesline to make Cindy fly. Greg’s assurance that Cindy will be safe because the belts are strong kills me. Belts are designed to hold up pants, not hold human children up on a clothesline.

Meanwhile, at the school a couple of teachers are discussing all the programs they have running on the same night, including Cindy’s school play. Realizing there’s no way every student’s entire family can fit in the auditorium, they decide to give each student one ticket and let them decide who will come. The school calls the parents to explain the situation, but Alice is the one to get the call in the Brady home.

Alice may not get paid enough for this.

Greg and Peter are having so much fun helping Cindy fly in the backyard, they don’t realize they’re late for their ball game. They rush off with Cindy still on the clothesline. Wow. Terrible older brothers. Cindy calls for Alice, who comes out to help her down. Greg and Peter come back to help, and while Greg seems apologetic, Peter points out that they needed their belts. After Cindy is down and the boys leave again, Cindy tells Alice how much fun she had and that she can’t wait for Alice to see her as The Fairy Princess. Alice takes Cindy inside and gives her the bad news over cake and milk.

Flipping a coin is so 1950s.

Cindy is distressed at not knowing which parent to take. Alice tries to help but when she realizes logic can’t win out in this situation, Alice says Cindy should leave it to luck. If you think Alice is reaching into her pocket to pull out a coin, you are completely wrong and do not understand how the Bradys Brady, even when they’re a Nelson. Alice takes Cindy up to her room and places index cards with “mom” and “dad” on a world map, and blindfolds Cindy and gives her a pin the tail on the donkey tail. I would have flipped a coin. It would be faster. I wouldn’t worry about getting stabbed in the thigh by a blindfolded 7-year-old. That’s not the Brady way, though. Cindy manages to place the pin right between both parents, but much further south since Cindy is much shorter than Alice. Alice goes to get Cindy another tail, but Cindy leaves, disappointed. I would, too. Another tail? Coin flip. Unless it lands on its side, it’s decisive.

Very supportive siblings.

In the boys’ room, the boys are making a wand for Cindy. Marcia and Jan made fairy wings for Cindy, and Marcia enters the room to ask the boys if they can judge which wings were best. They agree, and each girl passionately explains why theirs are best. Marcia followed the pattern exactly, but Jan decided Cindy needed bigger wings so everyone would notice her. The five children chatter excitedly about how they can’t wait to see Cindy in the school play. Cindy happens to walk by at this moment and is further upset. If Cindy just left Alice in the girls’ room, then where were Marcia and Jan making wings that at no point they overheard Alice telling Cindy that only one family member could go? Just sitcom logic questions.

Cindy doing a bad job at asking for advice.

Cindy is also terrible at reverse psychology.

In the kitchen, Carol is working on Cindy’s costume. Cindy enters the room and asks Carol for advice without stating the problem at all. That’s real effective communication, Cindy. Carol does her best given the no information she has and apparently no desire to find out what the problem actually is, but she does eventually conclude Cindy has a problem. And leaves it at that. Top tier parenting, Carol. Cindy tells Carol she doesn’t have to come to the play if she doesn’t want to, but Carol is excited to go. Cindy then enters Mike’s den and tries to convince Mike that he probably doesn’t even want to come, but he also doesn’t want to miss Cindy’s play.

Cindy then goes up to the girls’ room to ask Marcia for advice. Marcia says that the entire family is going through adjustments and Cindy should give the ticket to Mike so she doesn’t hurt his feelings. Cindy seems doubtful, so Marcia tells Cindy to ask Greg if she doesn’t believe Marcia. Cindy goes to the boys’ room and does just that. Greg, however, says no, she has to give the ticket to Carol, because women cry and if Carol gets upset, Mike will get mad. What the fucking sexist bullshit… Anyway, Cindy’s siblings are useless.

Do the Bradys not keep coins in the house?

In the kitchen, Mike and Carol discuss how they’re getting real sus vibes from Cindy. I wrote sus vibes in my notes, I feel like the intention was that I was going to word that better, but no. Sus vibes. Alice overhears Mike and Carol’s discussion and prefaces that she feels bad for blabbing before revealing the whole situation. Mike and Carol instantly feel bad for Cindy. Meanwhile, in the yard, Cindy is plucking the petals off of a flower saying “eenie, meenie, mommy, daddy.” It ends on “eenie” and Cindy wishes she had never been cast in the play in the first place.

This teacher is wondering how Cindy managed to get the lead with that terrible acting.

Later, Cindy limps into her rehearsal and says she twisted her left ankle and that she doesn’t think she can be in the play anymore. The teacher says the play is two days away and Cindy’s ankle will probably get better by then. Cindy says she thinks her ankle will get worse and to give her part to Mary Dittmeyer. Cindy starts to limp away, but the teacher points out Cindy is limping on her right leg. Cindy says both ankles hurt and proceeds to hobble away. Cindy’s teacher is also picking up sus vibes from Cindy. I did not write that in the notes this time, but it’s fitting.

That evening, Carol and Mike talk about how Cindy barely touched her dinner. They wonder if they should still let Cindy handle the situation on her own. Before they can come to a conclusion, however, the phone rings. Cindy’s teacher rats out Cindy’s fake twisted ankle, and Mike decides that, yes, something needs to be done.

Mike Brady: Man of solutions.

Mike goes up to the girls’ room and asks Cindy if it’s ok if he doesn’t go to the play. He fakes having an out of town business meeting that night. Cindy cheerfully says that’s awful before rushing off to call the teacher before her role can be given to Mary Dittmeyer. Mike smiles to himself, but then he gets that “wait, I have a better idea” face that I feel like Mike Brady is known for.

Hello world, there's a song that we're singing...

The Bradys predicted pandemic theatre sitting.

Mike and Carol Brady already reached their parenting quota for the day.

In the tag, Cindy is already giving herself anxiety that if she’s in the next play, she might only get one ticket again. Her parents leave her with a “goodnight, Cindy.”

One of the things I love about the first season of The Brady Bunch that isn’t there in the second season on is the focus on trying to make a blended family work. Cindy’s anxiety about not wanting to leave either parent out, especially since Mike is her new dad and really wants him to be included, I feel like is very real about blended families - especially since this episode was based on a true story. I like it way more than “Dear Libby” because it feels more realistic. Also, random thought but where the hell is Tiger? I know Fluffy never comes back, and I headcanoned that was really the grandparents’ cat anyway, but Tiger is never here. Did they even have to bring him back at all? I digress.

What are your thoughts on the episode? Do you disagree with the fact that I like “Eenie Meenie Mommy Daddy” better than “Dear Libby?” Let me know! We will be back next week with the episode “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.”