When I first conceived the idea for this blog in December, it did occur to me that my timing was just off. There’s only one Christmas episode of The Brady Bunch, after all, and now I’d be posting it 3 months late.

Nothing to be done about it now. “The Voice of Christmas” originally aired on December 19, 1969, which was Mike Lookinland’s 9th birthday. It was the 12th episode aired and the 16th episode produced. This would be the only Christmas adventure the Bradys would have for 19 years - well, one day shy of 19 years - when most of the cast reunited for A Very Brady Christmas. Let’s have a little Christmas in March, shall we?

In your face Christmasness!

Immediately, I noticed they added jingling bells to the opening score during the establishing shot of the Brady house. It already feels Christmassy. Then we see Alice and Mike in the family room and all of Home Alone’s Christmas-coding has nothing on the Brady Bunch family room. There’s red and green everywhere, everything is decorated, there’s Christmas cards on the wall, Alice is singing Deck the Halls - they went hard. The scene starts with Alice and Mike wrapping presents. Carol has been singing lately, so Mike bought her a tape recorder because he thought that she might get a kick of recording her voice on tape. It’s a sweet thought, it is… But I have questions. Like, why is the 14 year old allowed to use your tape recorder for school but your adult wife can’t use it to record herself singing? Make it make sense. Alice and Mike continue to discuss how Carol has been practicing singing and that she has the solo in the church choir. That’s when Carol enters the family room looking so heartbroken that you know tragedy has befallen her. Also, her dress has pockets! In 1969! How did we go backwards? Anyway, Mike is instantly at her side to figure out what’s wrong. Carol unfortunately has no voice.

Carol just wants to know her diagnosis.

In the next scene, Carol is under a towel in the family room using the humidifier. She peeks up to look at Mike, who is on the phone with the doctor. Mike notices Carol looking up at him and chastises her to get back under the towel as if she was one of the children. It’s really gross. Anyway, the doctor diagnosis Carol with laryngitis. If Carol wants her voice back, she has to rest and be quiet. Carol tries to protest because so much needs to be done before Christmas, but Mike says everyone will pitch in to help her. The important thing is that Carol rest her voice.

The Brady Boys don't realize that door next to them is also a door.

Meanwhile, in the living room, the Brady boys struggle to get the Christmas tree in the house. They’re trying to pull it in through the front door but somehow can’t manage to do it. Mike comes into the living room to investigate the noises they’re making, and he seems disappointed at how dumb his sons are. Lucky for Mike he adopted Marcia so that he can have at least one smart kid. Mike tries to help the boys find their error, but they’re apparently very committed to struggling. It was at this point when I went back to get screenshots that I realized the tree has changed directions - it was coming in top first in the first shot, but now they’re trying to get it in bottom first. Mike rolls his eyes as he opens the other door to the living room’s double doors. At least Peter is smart enough to acknowledge how dumb the boys were - and, you know, self-awareness is admirable. Carol enters the living room with her humidifier to watch the four men altogether set up the Christmas tree.

The Brady Bunch: Now with 80% more Christmas!

Later, Carol puts the tree topper on the Christmas tree as Alice and the Brady girls bring down all the Christmas tree decorations. The girls note that they have a lot as they have all the decorations both families had from before they became a bunch. Alice warns the girls to be careful with the ornaments because they’re fragile. Cindy asks what fragile means and The Brady Bunch decides to implement “show, don’t tell” by having Alice trip and break some ornaments. Oh, Alice. Good thing there’s a lot of them.

Dr. Alice is on the job.

Later in the kitchen, Mike watches as Alice makes a laryngitis cure that’s stinky. They share some banter that wasn’t really interesting enough to note but was still a little fun to watch. Alice says the cure is her grandmother’s secret recipe. Greg soon enters the kitchen to ask if the family is still about to go shopping. Mike says they will soon, and Alice says she’s making lunch first. Greg gets a whiff of Alice’s remedy and he says he doesn’t want lunch because he’s going on a diet. Mike thinks that’s hilarious.

Carol is down to weather this storm.

Some indeterminate amount of time later, Alice tries to put a rag soaked in her secret recipe remedy around Carol’s neck, but Carol says no because it’s so stinky. Alice ignores this no, which, is just wrong no matter the context. No means no for everything. It’s a complete sentence. Carol even uses her non-existent voice to say no, so there should be no misunderstanding that she doesn’t not want to wear a stink rag. Alice asks if Carol trusts her and Carol says no. Under most circumstances, I’d say that’s rude, but Alice is ignoring Carol’s no, so in this instance, it’s fair. Alice tries to demonstrate that it’s not so bad by wearing it herself. Carol reluctantly agrees.

"I put in the five seconds of concerned parenting, bye."

Mike takes Cindy to see Santa. I thought the other kids were going shopping, too? It’s just Mike and Cindy. There’s a line to see Santa, which Mike isn’t happy with since he wants to exchange the tape recorder he bought for Carol. Cindy insists she can wait by herself. Mike seems hesitant but Cindy reminds him she’s 6. I mean, I feel like that’s a reason not to leave her by herself but it’s 1969 and Mike put in the minimum effort to parent, so he peaces out.

Santa forgets which Christmas icon he is.

After awhile, Cindy gets to Santa. He asks Cindy what toy she wants and she doesn’t want a toy - she wants Carol’s voice back. Santa tells Cindy that she’s an unselfish girl and he’s sure Carol will be healed by Christmas. Um, is Santa mixing himself up with Jesus? I know both are Christmas related, but one performs miracles of commercialism and the other one performs actual miracles. It’s a slight but noticeable difference. Mike returns right as Cindy’s Santa visit ends, and she excitedly tells him what Santa said. Mike is super not impressed by Santa and The Brady Bunch sure frames this like this is the year Cindy stops believing in magic.

Mike remembered his package but not his kid.

Later, in a locker room, Mike gives Santa a piece of his mind. Okay, but where the fuck is Cindy? Where did you abandon your 6-year-old daughter now, Michael Brady? Santa apologizes but he only wanted to make Cindy happy. Mike is certain that Santa’s well-intentioned words will backfire.

Cindy wants Carol to be excited for Christmas, too.

Back at the Brady home, Cindy finds Carol and expresses how excited she is for Christmas. Cindy tells her mother that she thinks she’ll be happy with what Santa is going to bring for Carol, but it’s a secret so Cindy can’t tell. Carol looks put out at not being told what she’s getting for Christmas, so Cindy decides to tell Carol that she’ll get her voice back for Christmas. Carol has no other reaction in front of her daughter other than to show her appreciation for how sweet Cindy is. Carol’s smart to not act like anything is amiss. Let your 6-year-old have magic for every second she can.

Mike debates ruining Christmas for a six-year-old.

Mike takes Cindy out into the yard to have a talk. He’s trying to talk to her about not getting her hopes up about what Santa said, but Cindy is firm that Santa will deliver. Mike is really trying the most to tell her that Santa fucked up without telling her Santa fucked up. Either way, the talk is very unsuccessful as Cindy is still convinced Santa is bringing Carol her voice back.

The Brady Kids in Mission: Hide the Presents.

Meanwhile, the girls are in their room trying to figure out a place to hide the boys’ presents. They think the boys will be so surprised to get presents from their sisters. The only thing the girls decide on is to not hide them in the closet since that will be the first place the boys will look when they snoop. They don’t even know you got them presents, though. However, across the bathroom in the boys’ room, the boys are taking a more militaristic approach to hiding the presents. Greg says to not get caught and Bobby asks if he should eat the present if the girls catch him hiding it and hey someone is dimmer than Cindy this week! Congrats, Cindy! Greg and Peter are astonished at how dumb Bobby’s question is and they earlier forgot the entrance to the house they’ve lived in their whole lives was double doors.

Alice looking for a hiding spot in the master bedroom's second closet.

Alice sneaks into the master bedroom to try to find a place to hide a present. Alice looks in the closet and decides it’s not a good place. Then she looks in the other closet and sees it full of presents and WAIT THERE’S TWO CLOSETS IN THE MASTER BEDROOM?!?! What the fucking hell was that boring ass B plot in “A Clubhouse Is Not a Home” then? Alice then decides to hide the present under the bed, but as she does she meets some resistance. She looks under the bed and sees that the resistance is Bobby, doing the same thing.

Greg is tracking Santa Claus.

At night, in the boys’ room, Bobby and Peter are asleep. Greg is listening to the radio as it gives a Santa tracking update. Greg waits until it’s over to turn off the radio. I kinda want to say something about Greg being 14, but I’m 38 and I definitely tracked Santa on NORAD this past Christmas so… adult who wants to believe in magic sees teenager who wants to believe in magic. Greg gets out of bed and goes downstairs with a flashlight. Okay, it’s one thing to track Santa but if he’s going to wait up for him…

The Brady Kids want to cancel Christmas.

Greg investigates the presents under the tree and gives one of them a half-hearted shake. He seems very sad and gives up, sitting on the step that gives the living room that very 70s dip. Marcia comes down the stairs and asks Greg what his present sounded like. Greg says he doesn’t care because all he can think about is their mom not having a voice on Christmas. Peter and Jan soon join their older siblings to commiserate. Alice enters the living room to bust the kids sneaking to figure out their presents, but they tell her they don’t care. They start talking about canceling Christmas since Carol has no voice. Mike comes out and stands at the top of the stairs, overhearing Alice working her magic and convincing the kids that they do want a Christmas. After the kids go back up to their rooms, Mike shows Alice his appreciation for what she told the kids.

A Christmas Miracle!

On Christmas Day, Mike is awakened by Carol humming in her sleep. What the hell is she dreaming? Mike wakes Carol up and tells her to sing, which even with context seems like a madman thing to do. Carol has no context and this man just woke her up while she has laryngitis to tell her to sing - imagine how she must’ve felt for a second. Once she processes what Mike is asking of her, she reminds him she can’t even talk - only to realize that she can.

"O Come All Ye Faithful...."

Carol sings O Come All Ye Faithful in church in front of her happy family. Maybe Santa really was Jesus in disguise after all. Carol absolutely was not resting her voice at all in the end.

Mike Brady believes in miracles.

In the tag, Mike and Carol enter the girls’ room to tell Cindy to go to bed. Cindy is writing a thank you note to Santa. Cindy tells Mike she told him that Santa would give Carol her voice back in the most “I told you so” kind of way a 6-year-old can muster, and Mike supposes Christmas is the season for miracles.

Throughout the episode, the family does mention it is their first Christmas altogether, so it is interesting that instead of having a new Christmas episode later when they’ve almost completely stopped mentioning the family is a blended family, they just reuse this one. I do like the episode, though. It’s so Christmassy and feel good and just commercial enough. I don’t know about Santa doing double duty for Jesus but hey… It’s a 25 minute episode, choices had to be made to get all the Christmas included. Also, according to something I read on TV Tropes, this episode basically saved The Brady Bunch from early cancelation and pop culture obscurity. It truly was a Christmas miracle.

How do you feel about this episode? Do you think it’s weird they waited almost exactly 19 years to have another Brady Christmas? I will be back next week to review “Is There a Doctor In the House?”