I'm somehow getting worse at this.

Welcome back! Happy March! Can you believe I’ve been reviewing episodes for nearly two months now? I actually sat down and did the math, and it seems like it will be August 2025 before I finish reviewing everything on The Brady-est TV and Movie Collection DVD set. That kind of seems like a far, made up date - but you know, not that long ago, so did March 2022. Anyway, let’s start talking about “Sorry, Right Number.”

“Sorry, Right Number” originally aired on November 21, 1969. It was the 9th episode to air and the 10th episode produced. This episode marks the first appearance of Allan Melvin as Sam the Butcher. Even though I am obsessed with The Brady Bunch, being raised by two parents who were not fans of the show, Allan Melvin was always Barney from All in the Family to me, but I do love him as Sam the Butcher. This episode was written by Ruth Brooks Flippen, who was a script editor for many first season episodes. She also wrote for shows such as Gidget, That Girl, and Bewitched before going on to be a head writer for 25 episodes of Days of Our Lives in 1980. This episode was directed by George Cahan, who would direct two more episodes this season and these three episodes would constitute as his last directing credits. This is also one of the episodes not available for streaming.

Just a casual Friday of answering the phone rudely.

The episode starts with Mike and Carol in the den. Carol is curled up on the sofa in the corner of the den, doing needlepoint, and Mike is at his drafting table, presumably working. The phone rings and Mike answers, “Look, Ed, if we’re going to tee off…” Rude. I was always taught to answer the phone “hello” bare minimum. It wasn’t even Ed on the phone. It was a woman named Martha who wants to talk to Carol about the length of her dress. Mike asks for the call to be fast because he’s trying to set up a golf game, and Carol complies. Almost as soon as Carol ends her call, the phone rings again. Mike answers it with a “Hello, Ed” and keeps going, and you know, at least this time he said hello. It’s still not Ed, though. It’s Sam the Butcher calling for Alice. Mike wonders why a butcher would call at 8 pm, and Carol reveals Sam and Alice are dating - and the family is benefiting by way of better cuts of meat. I mean, that is one way to save money on groceries. Mike complains about missing out on calls with everyone else on the phone, and Carol says they should get a second line since they added 4 women to the household. Mike agrees that should solve everything. The phone rings again, and this time when Mike says, “Hello, Ed?” he pauses. But it’s still not Ed. It’s a call for Marcia. But, you know, at least Mike is learning an important lesson in phone etiquette. I think he’ll get there.

"Yeah, I solved all the family's problems in five minutes. It's a new record!"

On a different evening, Mike is on the phone in the den bragging how wonderful a second line has been. The Brady Bunch really has a wonderful way of telegraphing what the disaster of the week will be early on. After the phone call Mike is on, he calls for time - it’s 8:05 pm. It may have actually been 8:05 when this episode aired, given how far into the episode we are and given the fact that The Brady Bunch aired at 8:00 pm on Friday nights. That’s just a fun little fact.

The beginning of Sam and Alice.

In the kitchen, Alice is all dressed up and Sam enters the kitchen through what I have previously called “the Alice area” but I have since learned is called a service porch. I may continue to call it the Alice area, but a service porch feels more fitting if Sam is entering that way. Mike walks through the kitchen and greets Sam and compliments the pot roast the family had for dinner the other night. Sam compliments Alice with a meat pun. Gotta love a witty couple. After this exchange, Sam and Alice leave.

Did Mike even know what he needed before he came out here?

Mike goes into the family room, where Carol is on the phone with Martha about the length of her dress. After a quick chat with Carol, Mike remembers he needs to call Marty. Really, Mike? Marty ranked so low on your list of priorities you called for time when you are wearing a watch, sir? Wow. Marty deserves better. Justice for Marty.

Greg has no respect for the rules.

Mike returns to the den, but Greg is on the phone in there. Mike reminds him of the rules, but Greg points out that Carol was on the other phone. Mike says he’ll make an exception this once and Greg can finish the call. Mike decides to see if Carol is off the other phone.

Jan follows the rules. Be like Jan.

Carol is, but now Jan is on the phone. Mike sighs, and Jan pauses her phone to see if she did something wrong. She confirms that this is the phone she’s supposed to be using. Mike says it is and decides to get Greg off his phone.

I have several episodes of evidence that this phone conversation is contrived.

Greg is already off Mike’s phone, but now Peter is on it. He’s talking to his friend Jerry about math. What new math did they have in 1969 and why do they keep changing it? It’s math. We don’t need to be creative. We don’t need to break 2+2 down to 1+1+1+1 or whatever. We’re still going to get to 4, you know? Anyway, Mike reminds Peter of the rules, and Peter says it’s an emergency because Jerry will flunk math if Peter doesn’t talk him through it. Mike says “that’s an emergency for him, not you,” and I kind of think emergencies are always one sided. Could you just imagine a doctor saying, “hmm, that broken leg seems like a you problem.” Mike does eventually relent and let Peter finish the call.

The fact she got comfortable should be your first clue, Mike.

Mike returns to the family room and Marcia is now on the phone. Mike decides to wait for the phone, which he literally could have done at any other point and been able to use it once it was available, but that would have been convenient. But also, if it was 8:05 pm when he called time - just how late are the kids allowed to use the phone? Once Marcia starts giggling, however, Mike decides he can’t wait any longer and leaves the room.

This family meeting sure is involving two people who never use the phone.

Did Mike ever call Marty? Who the fuck knows, that’s not how The Brady Bunch is structured. It’s already a completely different evening. Alice is cooking, and Mrs. Brady sets the table. Mike enters the kitchen to complain that both phones are always busy now, so he decides emergency or no, the phone in the den is off limits to the kids. Carol agrees that this is a line that does need to be set for the kids. Mike gathers the kids in the family room and sets the new rules. After the discussion with the kids, Mike has a quick chat with Carol, hoping this will solve the phone problem. Carol is sure it will. The Brady Bunch is really funny with that false hope it’s always giving characters.

Marcia, Jan, and Peter are ready to take the phone by force. You can see it in their eyes.

In the next scene, Greg is on the family room phone while Marcia, Peter, and Jan wait impatiently. You know, for this episode saying that it’s a problem with all six kids, it really seems like it’s a bigger problem for four of them. The three kids not on the phone start yelling at Greg to get off the phone and Greg starts yelling at the others that he can’t talk on the phone with everyone yelling in his ear. Carol has had enough and initiates an egg time to time the calls. Greg immediately abuses it the second his parents’ backs are turned, much to the frustration of his siblings.

Carol is worried for Mike's health.

Later, Mike is paying bills and that confuses me. At least in my experience with stay at home moms, they’re the ones that pay the bills because that’s like part of household management. Which is like the actual job they have. They can put it on a resume. It counts. Carol already has Alice helping with so much, she can’t handle the finances? I digress. Mike opens up the phone bill and it seems to give him a medical emergency. The way he calls for Carol has her and Alice worried as they rush in, and they both assume Mike actually is having a medical emergency. Mike shows Carol the phone bill, and she also has a big reaction. Alice seems to decide family finances are not her business and tries to excuse herself from the room, but Mike shows her the bill, too. Weird way to tell someone their paycheck may bounce this month. Mike says they need to do something drastic, and Alice suggests writing letters, but Mike says that stern “Alice” that implies that’s not a solution but - like, right? I wrote letters in the 90s, so I assume it was something that could be done in the 60s. And didn’t families just always kind of have stamps around anyway? Anyway, Mike decides to show the kids the phone bill. This is either going to give the kids a complex about money, or make them think “okay, so what?” because they have no concept of money. There’s no middle ground with this action.

Carol is more worried about the carpets than the phone bill.

That night, Mike and Carol talk about the phone bill in their room as they get ready for bed. Well, Carol gets ready for bed. Mike paces. Mike says they have great kids who don’t misbehave, but that phone bill is just too much. He’s really worked up about it and very much wants a solution to keep the kids’ phone time limited and teach them the value of money. Carol just wants Mike to stop pacing.

Alice is being a bad girlfriend right now.

At some other random time in the future, because what is time on The Brady Bunch, Alice goes to the butcher shop. She immediately starts badmouthing Sam’s meat, unprovoked. Um… was his last pork stuffing not to her satisfaction? Sam catches on right away that Alice has a problem and closes the shop so they can talk. I want a significant other that would value me over a few customers. That is just the sweetest thing. Alice tells Sam that when the Bradys are upset, she gets upset, and everyone is upset over the phone bill. Sam is a very attentive listener, but Alice is easily distracted by Sam’s new payphone. Sam explains he had a similar problem with his customers using his business phone and eating up all his profits. Alice borrows a dime from Sam to make a phone call.

Alice is showing signs of growth.

Later, Alice washes her hands in the kitchen when Carol, Marcia, Greg, Jan, and Peter come home. There’s a big box wrapped like a present on the wall, and the Bradys want Alice to tell them what it is. Alice says Mr. Brady has a surprise but he wants everyone to wait until he gets home to show it to them. Alice is holding her tongue over a secret. Like, Alice, I’m super proud right now.

The Brady Kids are going to learn the value of a phone call.

A little later, Mike reveals the surprise to Carol and all six kids - a payphone. Mike says the kids’ allowances will be increased to allow for two calls a day, and the rest will come out of their regular allowance. Jan immediately says she averages ten calls a day, not recognizing that she is part of the problem. The kids don’t like the idea of the payphone and decide to tell the parents as such. Those kids are so cute, thinking their parents care. The parents stand their ground. Carol then asks Mike for the math on the payphone, and he says the allowance bump comes out to $36 a month. Carol says that’s more than the phone bill. How much was the phone bill? Give us some numbers to work with here so we can process the problem. To be fair, $1 in 1969 is worth about $7.57 in 2021 money, so even a $15 phone bill could be considered a lot. Mike tells Carol that he doesn’t expect the payphone will be permanent - if it works and the kids learn their lesson, they could return it.

Two of these kids never even once use the phone.

The kids immediately start fighting over change for the phone. Carol complains to Martha about it on the phone in the den. Mike comes home really happy because he has good news. He’s been working on a multi-million dollar deal at work and he’ll be calling a Mr. Crawford at 6:30 pm to discuss business plans. Mike also says that’s just in five minutes. However, while Carol was on the phone with Martha, she managed to hurt her feelings and Martha walked away crying without hanging up the phone, leaving it connected. Mike decides to use the payphone.

This is when Sam officially became the 10th Brady.

Mike walks through the kitchen and Sam is there helping Alice. Alice says he’s early and taking her to a movie that night. Sam makes a joke that Alice is young and even though it’s supposed to be a sweet joke it comes off a little creepy. Mike tells them to have fun and continues on to the family room. 

Mike's about to learn his own lesson in how payphones work.

Mike gets put on hold twice while making the call, and even if you’ve never seen the episode, if you’ve ever used a payphone for non-emergency reasons, you know what’s going to happen. In the middle of the call to set up a business dinner, the operator asks for another ten cents. The call gets disconnected, but with a contribution from Sam, Mike calls back to explain. Mr. Crawford finds the whole payphone deal to be unprofessional, but Mike explains about the phone problems he’s been having with his 6 kids. Mr. Crawford has 3 teenagers of his own, and finds Mike’s solution intriguing.

The grand experiment is over.

In the tag, Mike replaces the payphone with the old phone. When Alice says that she’ll kind of miss the payphone, Mike reveals that Mr. Crawford had one installed in his home.

I have to make a confession about this episode. So, I have two aesthetics - I love really old things, and I love coin-operated things. This episode made me want a payphone. To this day, I still want a payphone. I would get a phone line installed if I could find a classic payphone that would fit my aesthetic. I love this episode besides the fact that it’s given me a crazy life goal, but even as a kid I was like - why didn’t we have a payphone, use the money to pay the phone bill, and then use the money we were using for the phone bill on fun stuff. Of course, my brothers and I never made that many calls growing up. We wrote letters.

What are your thoughts on “Sorry, Right Number?” What are your thoughts on payphones? If The Brady Bunch was set in 2022, how would this episode be adapted? Let me know! I will see you next week with “Every Boy Does It Once!”