My art is terrible and yet I am not discouraged.

Hello, and welcome back for another review of The Brady Bunch! I’m actually excited about today’s episode because it is one of my favorite episodes. “Every Boy Does It Once” originally aired on December 5, 1969. It is the 10th episode to air, and the 15th episode produced. In doing my research, I did not find a lot of background information on it, which is fine. I don’t need to be an expert in the behind the scenes of every episode. This is one of the episodes not available for streaming.

How do their necks not hurt after watching a whole movie like this?

The episode starts with Bobby, Cindy, and Tiger watching Cinderella on TV in the family room. Once the movie ends, Cindy says that she loves the movie, but Bobby doesn’t like it so much because he doesn’t like the evil stepmother. Cindy tells Bobby how lucky he is to have her mother as a stepmother because she’s so nice. Bobby says, “So far.” Cindy points out that she has a stepfather and she’s not worried, and Bobby says that only mothers are mean. Cindy continues to defend her mother and Bobby starts to come around. But this is The Brady Bunch and nobody has good timing, so Carol enters the room and asks Bobby to sweep out the fireplace. It’s also really weird that they have six kids and Carol’s first thought is the second youngest.

The first annual hand-me-downs-athon.

Later, in the living room, Bobby is trying on his brothers’ ripped hand-me-downs and Carol cheerfully tells Bobby how she’s going to fix them. Bobby wants new clothes but Mike says those cost money. Bobby wonders why his brothers don’t have to try on hand-me-downs and Carol tells him they’re at a friend’s house. Bobby is upset that they didn’t say goodbye, but Mike points out that he was watching TV with Cindy. Bobby says they could have said goodbye during a commercial, and Mike playfully swats Bobby’s butt with his foot. My mother would call this a “love tap,” but my mother has never done this with her foot. Odd choice to use a foot. Carol takes Bobby’s side and says his brothers should have said bye, but then has him try on the pants. Once Bobby leaves the room, Carol expresses worry about Bobby. Mike guesses something must have happened at school.

The girls are more into hand-me-downs than Bobby.

Marcia and Jan come downstairs with clothes that they hand to Carol. Jan wonders which of Marcia’s sweaters she’ll get. Marcia asks when she’ll start getting Carol’s sweaters and Carol says when Marcia fills out a bit. This embarrasses Marcia since Mike is in the room. Um, Marcia, that’s your dad. He’s kinda going to be there when these changes happen. You’re making it weirder than it needs to be. Mike says he didn’t hear anything, but then Jan asks why Mike answered. Mike then says that “kids these days are too darn smart.” The girls ask if they can go to the movies with Nancy and Carla Dittmeyer, who are the second and third Dittmeyer to be mentioned in this series. By the way, I looked it up and Dittmeyer is not a common last name. It’s most popular in Germany, where there’s 193 Dittmeyers. In the US, there’s only 83. I looked up my own uncommon last name to kind of test how accurate these numbers are and I have to say, they seem pretty accurate. Mike and Carol say the girls can go since it’s a Friday night. Bobby comes in and asks about the girls going to the movies. Marcia says, “Hi and bye small fry,” and Jan gives a very snarky, “See you later.” Bobby asks to go but Carol says he’s too young. If everything stopped right here, I would have been on Marcia and Jan’s side. Marcia was being playful, and while Jan didn’t need to be snarky, I have younger brothers and I get it. He probably did something to bug her pretty recently. But then Marcia says that they can’t take him looking the way he does and Jan agrees by saying, “who would look at the screen?” Then the two laugh cruelly as they leave. That’s bullying. Marcia and Jan are bullies. Carol only shakes her head, but if I had kids and they did that to one of their siblings, they would be learning a lesson about bullying in the moment.

Alice failing to read the room.

A little later, while wearing the hand-me-downs, Bobby mopes into the kitchen. Alice immediately makes a joke about the length of Bobby’s pants. Et tu, Alice? Bobby calls Alice out for making fun of him, but Alice says she would never and she was just kidding. Bobby says he doesn’t think it’s funny. Alice says, “even Bob Hope misses once in awhile,” which doesn’t sound like an apology to me. Alice asks Bobby what’s bothering him, and he says he has something in his craw. Alice tells Bobby to tell her because she’s known him since the day he was born, and Bobby says “that’s right, you’re my real housekeeper and you’re only a step-housekeeper to them,” and I think somebody needs to tell Bobby how housekeepers work. Alice is very confused. Bobby explains how stepmothers - and apparently step-housekeepers - love their own children more. Alice tells Bobby that’s inaccurate, but he cites Cinderella. Bobby then walks away and what Alice never does is stop him and point out that Cinderella is fictional, so that’s Alice’s bad. She dropped the ball here.

Mike making sure Bobby knows stepmothers got done dirty in fairy tales.

Some point later, Mike is fixing Cindy’s cradle in the den. Bobby walks in and asks Mike what he’s doing. Once he finds out, Bobby says Mike said he’d fix his bike. Mike points out it’s a bigger job so he says he’ll do it Saturday, and clarifies that’s tomorrow. Mike asks Bobby if he’s having trouble in school or if Chester Brown is picking on him again, but Bobby says no. Bobby asks if fairy tales are ever true. Mike says no, but when Bobby rewords the question, Mike says that a small part may be true but the rest is made up. Bobby then asks if that means that Cinderella’s evil stepmother could have really existed, but then the more fantastical elements were made up. Mike agrees with this inference, but he does make sure to tell Bobby that Carol loves him and the boys as much as she loves the girls. Bobby asks Mike if he’s sure and Mike says they both love all six of their children the same.

Carol realizing she might actually be an evil stepmother.

Meanwhile, Alice and Carol talk in the other room. Alice tells Carol about the Cinderella conversation. Carol says that Bobby knows she loves him. Alice then jokes, “Anyone would think you asked him to sweep out the fireplace lately,” and Carol is horrified because she did do that. Which, again, weird choice. Also, why did it have to be the fireplace?

"I urgently need to buy Bobby's love."

Carol goes into the den to talk to Mike. She wants him to be late to a meeting so they can go to the bicycle shop because it’s open late on Fridays. What in the fucking time is it? Everything in this episode has happened on Friday. I’ve asked this before, but what time do the Brady kids get out of school? Also what the hell meeting is Mike going to? Does he have a side hustle in the mafia? So many questions. Anyway, Mike says if whatever they’re doing is for Bobby’s happiness, he’ll blow off the meeting. So Mike is clearly the leader in this sketchy business he’s involved in.

Alice still trying to make up for her badly timed joke.

A bit later, Bobby is sadly meandering in the kitchen. Bobby starts to realize the house is quiet. Alice takes the opportunity to cheer Bobby up, but Bobby catches on that the house is quiet because everyone left and nobody said goodbye. Um, technically Marcia and Jan did say goodbye, even if they were bratty about it. And I’m pretty sure Cindy is still around somewhere. Bobby starts to walk away with Tiger, claiming the dog is the only one who cares about him. This time around, Alice does decide to address some misconceptions and tells him everyone loves him. Bobby does not believe this to be true, though. Bobby walks into the yard with Tiger. It doesn’t take Bobby very long to start plotting running away. Once he makes up his mind to do it, he goes back into the house, with Tiger on his tail.

Bobby already weighed the seriousness of this decision.

Bobby packs in his room when Peter enters. Bobby asks if Greg is home, too, and Peter says he’s watching TV. Peter asks what Bobby is doing, but Bobby says nothing. Peter notices Bobby’s suitcase and tries to figure out what’s happening. Peter promises not to tell so Bobby confesses he’s running away. Peter asks if Bobby asked their dad, which is incredibly funny to me. I just imagine if Peter was running away, he would ask Mike for permission. Bobby says if you have to ask, it’s not running away and Peter realizes Bobby has a point. Peter says they should tell Greg, but Bobby points out Peter said he wouldn’t tell anybody. Peter says he won’t tell.

"My brother Bobby tells me secrets. You wouldn't know what it's like."

So Peter almost immediately tells Greg. Peter beats around the bush, saying that he only knows the secret because he’s Bobby’s brother, but Greg points out he’s also Bobby’s brother so Peter tells him. Greg is a responsible human and says they need to stop Bobby. Peter doesn’t know how they can do that if they can’t tell anyone, though.

Greg is being kinda sus.

Greg goes into the kitchen, where Alice is making a shopping list. Alice makes a quip about all the food the kids eat and ponders getting an extra quart of milk. Greg says there’ll be plenty of milk after tomorrow and oh my gosh I’d personally be worried about Greg at this point. Alice does realize something is wrong and asks about it, but Greg says it’s a secret and he can’t tell. Alice tells Greg to beat around the bush. Greg goes right through the bush with a machete and says a kid “who shall remain nameless” is running away and then names the five kids it isn’t. Alice immediately decides to phone around to find the Brady parents. Greg reminds Alice it’s a secret but she says it’s ok because everyone knows she can’t keep one. That’s what Greg was counting on.

The Bradys buy a bike from Mel Horowitz the 2nd.

At the bike shop, there’s a salesman really pushing the upsell on the Bradys. The salesman is played by Michael Lerner, who I always think of as Mel Horowitz from the first season of the TV version of Clueless. I know him from other things, like Blank Check and Elf, but I always think Clueless first. He has quite an impressive filmography, so it’s likely everyone knows him from something. The upsells, however, make Mike and Carol realize that they’re trying to buy Bobby’s love and they don’t want to do that. Mike tells the salesman to hold the bike and they’ll be back for it in a month. The salesman is understandably upset by this development.

"How upset would you be to only have 5 kids?"

Alice continues calling around looking for the Brady parents. They happen to come home at this point, and Alice immediately tells them one of the kids are planning to run away. Carol knows instantly that it’s Bobby. Carol tells Mike to go talk to Bobby, and that she has an idea.

Mike tells Bobby his happiness is important.

Bobby finishes packing and tells Tiger he’ll send for him once he’s settled. Mike enters at this point to talk to Bobby. Bobby confesses that he’s running away. Mike asks Bobby if he likes living with them, and Bobby says not lately. Mike tells Bobby he has every right to find a place where he’s happier but he’s confused since everyone loves Bobby and thought he loved them, too. Bobby says he does love them but he needs to be going. Mike makes sure Bobby has money and a plan for a job and then helps him downstairs. Even though I know the idea is Bobby isn’t really going to run away, I do like that Mike is trying to tell Bobby his happiness is very important Mike.

Top TV moments that make your heart feel the warm fuzzies.

At the bottom of the stairs is Carol, holding her own suitcase. She offers to take the big suitcase and has Bobby take hers. Bobby asks where she’s going and she says with him. Bobby asks if she’s really going with him and she says really. Bobby starts opening up about how he’s been feeling and Carol tells him how much she loves him and “the only steps in this house lead right back to your bedroom.” Bobby excitedly tells Mike that he and Mom are home again, and Mike is very happy to hear it because that’s where the two of them belong.

Cindy is not pleased that her parents are laughing at her trauma.

In the tag, Mike and Carol are happy with how everything has resolved. Then Cindy bursts in the room, upset because she kissed her frog Henry twice and he hasn’t turned into a prince. Do you want warts, Cindy? That’s how you get warts. Or salmonella. Maybe both? I don’t know anything about amphibians.

I love this episode of The Brady Bunch so much. Is it a wacky Brady adventure? No. But as you know, I also love episodes that point out that blending a family isn’t necessarily a smooth transition, and this one is definitely one of those. My only gripe is getting Cinderella involved, since this wasn’t really about Bobby believing he had an evil stepmother, but I can still forgive it. Bobby’s very young, and he might not be able to know how to put a voice to how he’s feeling. Cinderella has an evil stepmother, therefore I must have an evil stepmother is a lot easier to say, maybe, but that’s not what Bobby’s problem actually was. He also felt neglected by his brothers and his dad, and they’re his biological family. In all of the shuffle, Bobby was feeling lost. I love how that was handled and I love the resolution. This episode gives me the warm fuzzies. It’s definitely on my top ten list.

How do you feel about this episode? How badly would you have punished Marcia and Jan for what they did to Bobby? Let me know! I’ll be back next week to review “Vote for Brady."