I said I'd stop trying to photo edit and yet I lied.

This post is going to look a little different than the rest. See, when I watch episodes, I take notes in a notebook to refer to when I type up the reviews and the research and all that fun stuff. I had reviewed this episode and started the background research for “Kitty Karry-All Is Missing” when the notebook disappeared. It’s kind of funny because of the episode I was about to watch, but I digress. I don’t want to ever make myself hate The Brady Bunch, so I didn’t want to so closely watch “A Clubhouse Is Not a Home” again. I did all the background research again, but my review is based on what I remember happening in the episode. This is the only episode I’ll be reviewing from memory, but it is a very recent memory. I’m more mad I lost my ideas for jokes.

“A Clubhouse Is Not a Home” is the sixth episode of The Brady Bunch to air. Many people mistakenly say it was the second episode produced, but that was “Dear Libby.” This one is the third. See, “The Honeymoon,” as the pilot, had a production code of 000. “Dear Libby” was 001 and “A Clubhouse Is Not a Home” was 002. That said, The Canonical Brady Bunch Episode Guide says that the first six episodes after the pilot - which are all directed by John Rich - were filmed as a group due to Florence Henderson’s schedule. That means that the production code for these episodes aren’t as important to continuity as it will be later in the episode. That said, this episode should have been second. It aired on October 31, 1969 and it’s a real weird choice for a Halloween episode. I have a theory that ABC didn’t feel very strongly about this episode and aired it on a night kids wouldn’t be home to watch it but that’s just my fan theory. This is one of the 8 first season episodes not available on any streaming service due to rights issues.

Without further ado, let’s get into the episode.

Six perfectly happy kids. Nothing will ever go wrong.

The episode starts with all six Brady kids playing harmoniously in the yard. Marcia and Greg play catch, and Jan and Peter push Bobby and Cindy on the swings. Carol and Mike watch on from the window, believing everything is perfect. Alice chimes in that blending a family will actually take some time, but Carol and Mike dismiss her because everything is paradise. These early episodes really telegraph what’s about to fall apart in the next two minutes.

Greg and Peter aren't even getting paid in pizza.

In this episode, all of Carol and the girls’ things arrive from storage. Mike and Carol’s entire arc for this episode revolves around trying to steal closet space from one another, so I’m okay I lost the notes for that. It’s wholly uninteresting and in the end it does get equally split 50/50. Mike makes the boys carry boxes into the girls’ room. The boxes are heavy and the boys seem resentful of the girls. The boys get real weird about it, though. It’s like they honestly hate the fact their new sisters own things. The boys eventually have enough and walk away from the job to hang out in their clubhouse.

A place to escape from the girls.

Mike joins the boys in the clubhouse and reminds the boys that he gave them the chance to tell him not to marry Carol. He asks them if they remember what they said. Peter and Bobby play dumb, but Greg says that they told Mike to marry Carol. Mike reminds the boys that marrying Carol meant that Marcia, Jan, and Cindy were always going to be part of the package. The boys agree to try to get along better with their sisters.

Happily Ever After didn't last long.

That doesn’t work at all. The boys all instantly find things to argue about with their new sisters. Mike, who has had enough of the arguing, tells the kids they now share things equally. Mike had a hidden exception, though, because when the boys protest because the girls decorated the clubhouse with curtains and carpets, Mike takes the boys’ side. Carol reminds Mike that he said everything was to be shared equally, but Mike said boys need their own space and the clubhouse was not for the girls. Carol asks what about if one of the boys wanted to play with one of the girl’s dollhouses, and Mike said he’d take them to the psychiatrist. Wow. Also, wasn’t he the one that said “sounds fun” when Cindy wanted Bobby to play with her dollhouse in “The Honeymoon?” Mike makes Carol cry and apologizes, but he doesn’t change his mind so it’s a fake apology.

Women's rights are human rights.

The girls and the boys still continue to fight over the clubhouse. Greg and Marcia separately ask Alice who’s right about the clubhouse, but Alice refuses to take a side. However, later, Alice watches a movie on TV and a character named Sandra talks about equality. This makes Alice take a side and she comes up with a scheme with Carol. Carol and the girls pretend to make a clubhouse for the girls and Mike and the boys watch, thinking it’s hilarious - until the frame falls. Mike and the boys go outside to build the clubhouse. Does Mike include the girls and help them learn how to build something for real? No, he tells them their job is to make lemonade. Fucking 1969, man.

From painting the walls to making the lemonade, everyone made this clubhouse.

After the clubhouse for the girls is done and Mike makes a speech congratulating everyone for coming together to make it, the boys’ clubhouse collapses. When they ran out of nails, Bobby had taken them from the boys’ clubhouse. The boys, instead of buying nails to rebuild their clubhouse, decide that they’ll just steal the girls’. This results in a fight that is not resolved on camera, not that it matters because we never see either clubhouse again. The end.

Brady equality inspired by Alice watching a movie.

Fun fact, Sandra from the movie Alice is watching is voiced by June Foray. Though June Foray has a lot of notable voice roles, it’s worth noting that she’s the voice of the original Chatty Cathy. Maureen McCormick had been in commercials for Chatty Cathy as a child, and in 1970 she would go on to be the new voice of Chatty Cathy.

What are your thoughts on this episode? Why is Mike Brady so sexist? Again, I apologize for this review looking slightly different, but things will be back to normal next week when I do a deep dive into “Kitty Karry-All is Missing.”