“Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy” is tied with “Mike’s Horrorscope” as the lowest rated episode of the season on IMDB. I honestly don’t remember “Mike’s Horrorscope” off the top of my head, but I very much hard disagree with “Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy” being a low rated episode. Granted, it’s still rated a 6.7 - even low rated episodes of The Brady Bunch aren’t that low. I think even “Kelly’s Kids” is a 5.4. I still hard disagree with this episode being rated lower than “Dear Libby” and I promise to get into that more later. First, let’s get into a little background information.

“Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy” is apparently loosely based on a true story that happened at Sherwood Schwartz daughter Hope’s school when she was a kid. There were a lot of school events happening on the same night, and given the capacity of the auditorium and fire codes, the students were only allowed to invite one parent to the show. While Hope just rolled with it, there was a younger kid at her school who had a new stepfather he was just bonding with and desperately wanted both his mom and his stepfather to come. I don’t know how it all turned out for that kid. I hope it worked out. I hope it was okay.

I do know how it turned out on The Brady Bunch though, so, without further ado, let’s get into the episode!

I've never been so prepared so early to face heartbreak.

The episode starts with Cindy coming home, excited because she got the lead role of The Fairy Princess in her school play. Mike and Carol are so excited for her, and Cindy is looking forward to her whole family seeing her perform. They really don’t waste time in setting you up to be emotionally crushed.

Cindy Brady is one of the hardest working actresses in LA.

That night, the entire pajama clad family enters the girls’ room to see that Cindy fell asleep over her script. This episode does flow appropriately, but it’s really weird to explain the transitions. Picture the entire second act is a montage, because it is but not in the sense a lot of people are used to when they say a montage. It is a series of scenes that go quickly, but not as quickly as you might think, and they all convey the same theme. Anyway, when Mike starts to get Cindy into bed, she starts saying lines from the script. It’s honestly adorable.

Mike Brady does not have an off button.

In the next scene, Cindy is practicing lines from the play in the living room. Carol and Mike help Cindy rehearse, but Mike Brady is Mike Brady and while pretending to be a frog, he chases Carol out of the room. Cindy shakes her head, clearly not amused with Mike’s horny toad antics.

Jan Brady knows how to give her audience what they want.

Cindy reads lines in her room that night, and Jan tells Cindy she can’t just read the words, she needs to bring them to life. Jan demonstrates by pretending to be poisoned and dramatically dying. Marcia, and the boys who were apparently watching in the doorway for some reason, applaud Jan’s death. Why are the boys there? Explain, please. If they just heard a noise, why didnt’ them come through the shared bathroom? Jan bounces up to take her bow, and Cindy is offended that Jan is getting all the applause when Cindy is supposed to be the lead.

The Brady boys are too good at tuning out their youngest sister.

Safety first.

This part is where we stop the montage and the scenes follow a normal pace and we have normal transitions again. Bobby sets a turtle I’m 1000% we never see again, not even after this scene in this episode, in the yard so it can stretch its legs before running off to play ball with Greg and Peter. Cindy comes into the yard, rehearsing her lines. Cindy climbs up on a crate and jumps off to practice flying. Bobby is upset because Cindy could have landed on the turtle. Bobby should be upset at Bobby for leaving the turtle unsupervised, but that’s neither here nor there. Cindy apologizes, but explains what she was doing. Greg and Peter offer to show Cindy how she’ll fly on the stage. They use their belts and the clothesline to make Cindy fly. Greg’s assurance that Cindy will be safe because the belts are strong kills me. Belts are designed to hold up pants, not hold human children up on a clothesline.

Meanwhile, at the school a couple of teachers are discussing all the programs they have running on the same night, including Cindy’s school play. Realizing there’s no way every student’s entire family can fit in the auditorium, they decide to give each student one ticket and let them decide who will come. The school calls the parents to explain the situation, but Alice is the one to get the call in the Brady home.

Alice may not get paid enough for this.

Greg and Peter are having so much fun helping Cindy fly in the backyard, they don’t realize they’re late for their ball game. They rush off with Cindy still on the clothesline. Wow. Terrible older brothers. Cindy calls for Alice, who comes out to help her down. Greg and Peter come back to help, and while Greg seems apologetic, Peter points out that they needed their belts. After Cindy is down and the boys leave again, Cindy tells Alice how much fun she had and that she can’t wait for Alice to see her as The Fairy Princess. Alice takes Cindy inside and gives her the bad news over cake and milk.

Flipping a coin is so 1950s.

Cindy is distressed at not knowing which parent to take. Alice tries to help but when she realizes logic can’t win out in this situation, Alice says Cindy should leave it to luck. If you think Alice is reaching into her pocket to pull out a coin, you are completely wrong and do not understand how the Bradys Brady, even when they’re a Nelson. Alice takes Cindy up to her room and places index cards with “mom” and “dad” on a world map, and blindfolds Cindy and gives her a pin the tail on the donkey tail. I would have flipped a coin. It would be faster. I wouldn’t worry about getting stabbed in the thigh by a blindfolded 7-year-old. That’s not the Brady way, though. Cindy manages to place the pin right between both parents, but much further south since Cindy is much shorter than Alice. Alice goes to get Cindy another tail, but Cindy leaves, disappointed. I would, too. Another tail? Coin flip. Unless it lands on its side, it’s decisive.

Very supportive siblings.

In the boys’ room, the boys are making a wand for Cindy. Marcia and Jan made fairy wings for Cindy, and Marcia enters the room to ask the boys if they can judge which wings were best. They agree, and each girl passionately explains why theirs are best. Marcia followed the pattern exactly, but Jan decided Cindy needed bigger wings so everyone would notice her. The five children chatter excitedly about how they can’t wait to see Cindy in the school play. Cindy happens to walk by at this moment and is further upset. If Cindy just left Alice in the girls’ room, then where were Marcia and Jan making wings that at no point they overheard Alice telling Cindy that only one family member could go? Just sitcom logic questions.

Cindy doing a bad job at asking for advice.

Cindy is also terrible at reverse psychology.

In the kitchen, Carol is working on Cindy’s costume. Cindy enters the room and asks Carol for advice without stating the problem at all. That’s real effective communication, Cindy. Carol does her best given the no information she has and apparently no desire to find out what the problem actually is, but she does eventually conclude Cindy has a problem. And leaves it at that. Top tier parenting, Carol. Cindy tells Carol she doesn’t have to come to the play if she doesn’t want to, but Carol is excited to go. Cindy then enters Mike’s den and tries to convince Mike that he probably doesn’t even want to come, but he also doesn’t want to miss Cindy’s play.

Cindy then goes up to the girls’ room to ask Marcia for advice. Marcia says that the entire family is going through adjustments and Cindy should give the ticket to Mike so she doesn’t hurt his feelings. Cindy seems doubtful, so Marcia tells Cindy to ask Greg if she doesn’t believe Marcia. Cindy goes to the boys’ room and does just that. Greg, however, says no, she has to give the ticket to Carol, because women cry and if Carol gets upset, Mike will get mad. What the fucking sexist bullshit… Anyway, Cindy’s siblings are useless.

Do the Bradys not keep coins in the house?

In the kitchen, Mike and Carol discuss how they’re getting real sus vibes from Cindy. I wrote sus vibes in my notes, I feel like the intention was that I was going to word that better, but no. Sus vibes. Alice overhears Mike and Carol’s discussion and prefaces that she feels bad for blabbing before revealing the whole situation. Mike and Carol instantly feel bad for Cindy. Meanwhile, in the yard, Cindy is plucking the petals off of a flower saying “eenie, meenie, mommy, daddy.” It ends on “eenie” and Cindy wishes she had never been cast in the play in the first place.

This teacher is wondering how Cindy managed to get the lead with that terrible acting.

Later, Cindy limps into her rehearsal and says she twisted her left ankle and that she doesn’t think she can be in the play anymore. The teacher says the play is two days away and Cindy’s ankle will probably get better by then. Cindy says she thinks her ankle will get worse and to give her part to Mary Dittmeyer. Cindy starts to limp away, but the teacher points out Cindy is limping on her right leg. Cindy says both ankles hurt and proceeds to hobble away. Cindy’s teacher is also picking up sus vibes from Cindy. I did not write that in the notes this time, but it’s fitting.

That evening, Carol and Mike talk about how Cindy barely touched her dinner. They wonder if they should still let Cindy handle the situation on her own. Before they can come to a conclusion, however, the phone rings. Cindy’s teacher rats out Cindy’s fake twisted ankle, and Mike decides that, yes, something needs to be done.

Mike Brady: Man of solutions.

Mike goes up to the girls’ room and asks Cindy if it’s ok if he doesn’t go to the play. He fakes having an out of town business meeting that night. Cindy cheerfully says that’s awful before rushing off to call the teacher before her role can be given to Mary Dittmeyer. Mike smiles to himself, but then he gets that “wait, I have a better idea” face that I feel like Mike Brady is known for.

Hello world, there's a song that we're singing...

The Bradys predicted pandemic theatre sitting.

Mike and Carol Brady already reached their parenting quota for the day.

In the tag, Cindy is already giving herself anxiety that if she’s in the next play, she might only get one ticket again. Her parents leave her with a “goodnight, Cindy.”

One of the things I love about the first season of The Brady Bunch that isn’t there in the second season on is the focus on trying to make a blended family work. Cindy’s anxiety about not wanting to leave either parent out, especially since Mike is her new dad and really wants him to be included, I feel like is very real about blended families - especially since this episode was based on a true story. I like it way more than “Dear Libby” because it feels more realistic. Also, random thought but where the hell is Tiger? I know Fluffy never comes back, and I headcanoned that was really the grandparents’ cat anyway, but Tiger is never here. Did they even have to bring him back at all? I digress.

What are your thoughts on the episode? Do you disagree with the fact that I like “Eenie Meenie Mommy Daddy” better than “Dear Libby?” Let me know! We will be back next week with the episode “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.”