“Dear Libby” is obviously based on advice columnists Ask Ann Landers and her twin sister Dear Abby.  While the column is named to invoke visions of Dear Abby, I do believe it is actually based on Ask Ann Landers, due to the nature of the letters read and the advice given. I did research Dear Abby and Ask Ann Landers columns from 1969 in getting ready for this episode and I’m going to say that letting kids read advice columns unsupervised is a really bad idea. It was also harder to find any Ask Ann Landers, but I did find a couple. The letters to Ann Landers seemed to follow the “I have this very simple or not that complicated problem” and Ann Landers gave very direct, sarcastic, funny responses. Dear Abby had letters that was more like “my wife and daughters think I’m overreacting when I say my daughters need to practice modesty in the home and while I would never act on it my half naked daughters do get my engine going” and ew. Just ew. I clearly paraphrased but it was gross and my soul is worse for knowing that letter exists. I’m sorry I’ve worsened your souls, too.

Also, none of the Brady girls in the first scene are wearing skirts or dresses, which is something I took note of because one complaint I’ve seen about The Brady Bunch over the years is how “1950s” it really was because the girls always wore dresses. This leads me to discovery of a very glaring continuity error later, which I will describe. The girls do all at some point in the episode wear dresses, but for the most part they’re not in this episode.

Girls reading mature content unsupervised.

Anyway, let’s get right into it. The episode starts with Marcia reading the Dear Libby column to her sisters. At one point, Jan comments that she likes that Libby gets straight to the point, and Cindy asks what the point is. Marcia says she said that Cindy was too young and Jan says, “It won’t be long. This kind of stuff makes you grow up quick.” This leads me to believe that 11-year-old Jan definitely read a letter about a dad being attracted to his daughters and this is why you don’t let kids read advice columns unsupervised. Cindy asks if the letters to Dear Libby are real and Marcia says that Dear Libby gets letters from all over the country. Remember that Marcia said that. It’s important later. Marcia starts to read the next letter to her sisters before taking pause. Jan demands Marcia continue reading, but Marcia says it’s a stupid letter and gives her sisters the comic section to read. Marcia continues to read the column to herself, looking distressed.

Mike and Carol notice a page missing.

Downstairs, Mike and Carol are reading the newspaper. Mike is looking for section B, page 5 but neither of them have it. Carol wants the page for a wedding announcement, and Mike was reading an article about a battle on a college campus. Carol asks what they were battling about and Mike says “What’s left? Probably demanding classroom credit for rioting.” Carol jokes about how old-fashioned this makes Mike seem. Mike decides to get another newspaper but Marcia, who was eavesdropping in the kitchen, rushes out and says she’ll get it. Mike questions the time, and when Marcia says she’s done with her homework, Mike points out it’s dark. Before you think child safety was a concern for even five seconds in 1969, Mike calls for Greg to go out with Marcia. Why only have one kid kidnapped when you could lose two? Greg doesn’t want to go because he’s watching a show, but Mike tells him he has to go. Marcia says that the show is a rerun and she’ll tell Greg all about it. The kids do not leave the room before Greg asks about the show and Marcia knows nothing about it because she was lying. Marcia said she had to say something - but did she? Mike was already letting her go for the paper and forcing Greg to go with her. First season Marcia was a very different Marcia, and I kind of feel like she just wanted to tell a lie and get away with it just to feel something.

Marcia confesses to her weird crimes.

I need explanations.

The first official Brady kid meeting.

Upstairs, after everyone is in their pajamas, Greg and Marcia assemble the kids in the girls’ room for a meeting about the column. Both of the eldest siblings want their younger siblings to know what’s going on, but neither want to be the bearer of bad news. After some deliberation, Marcia reads the Dear Libby letter and Greg explains that it has to be about them.

Six kids + no noise = never a good thing.

Downstairs, Carol’s mom senses are tingling. The kids are being way too quiet. Mike is sure the kids just went to bed; however, the silence is distracting for both of them. Carol decides to go upstairs to check on the kids, but Mike stops her. There could be a gas leak, Michael Paul Brady. Care more about your kids.

Upstairs, the kid meeting continues. Dear Libby’s advice was to stick it out a little longer because things might work, and Greg says this is good because it gives them time to be on their best behavior. The parents have not seen the letter at all. Theoretically they have all the time in the world. Cindy and Bobby are not into the idea of being good, but Greg and Marcia say it’s necessary to save their parents’ marriage. All six kids are on board.

You can't convince me these kids aren't robots.

The next day, the kids are cleaning out the garage as Mike and Carol watch from the window. Carol laments about how the kids also cleaned the windows without being asked to after school, and Mike is concerned the children may be sick. They also have apparently weeded the yard in this time. When do the kids get out of school? I know there’s six of them, but my goodness.

Greg breaking up a Jan and Peter fight where Jan was wronged.

Later, Jan is watching TV in the family room, and she’s wearing a different outfit than when she was cleaning out the garage so either those clothes got dirty and she changed them or it’s a different day. Peter enters the room and changes the channel on the TV. Jan changes it back with the remote - a remote in 1969? I know it’s possible but dang, Mike Brady is made of money. Peter takes the remote from Jan, Jan takes the remote from Peter, insults start getting thrown around, and Greg rushes in to mediate. He reminds his siblings of the plan just in time for Carol to come in and investigate. Greg says everything is fine, but Carol says she heard an argument. Greg says they were watching a peace conference on TV, and then the three children silently turn the attention back to the set.

Marcia intervening in a fight where Cindy was in the right.

Later, in the same room, Cindy and Bobby are playing checkers. Cindy is also wearing a different outfit from the garage cleaning scenario and you might convince me the TV incident happened on the same day, but there is no way the kids cleaned the windows, weeded the yard, cleaned out the garage, then had the Jan/Peter TV scenario and at a different time in the same room had the Cindy/Bobby checkers scenario in the same room. We’re at least two days out from the discovery of the column. Anyway, Bobby wins and Cindy said he was cheating. Bobby says he didn’t cheat, but then admits to cheating because Cindy couldn’t have seen it. Um… Bobby… I have questions. Anyway, an argument ensues and Marcia rushes in to mediate. Mike comes in to investigate, and Marcia says everything is fine. The other two kids agree, and Mike has no further questions. What is this fathering?

This is what worrying about your kids look like.

Later, in what seems to be the middle of the night, Carol goes downstairs to the kitchen and finds Mike making a sandwich. He says he can’t sleep and apologizes to Carol for waking her up. She says she also couldn’t sleep. Mike offers to make Carol a sandwich but she asks to just have half of his. He agrees and pours them milk. Mike’s being domestic. That’s kinda cute. Not going to lie, questionable parenting aside, Mrs. Brady found a good one. Carol and Mike are worried about the kids because they’re being too good. During this conversation, Alice appears for the first time all episode. We are half way through. Where has she been this whole time? Mike apologizes for waking her up, but she couldn’t sleep because of the kids, either. Alice puts on a kettle and Mike offers to make Alice a sandwich but she makes her own because Mike skimps. Okay, it’s no wonder Mike Brady is regarded as one of the best sitcom dads of all time. He’s offering to make food for his wife and his maid? Considerate as fuck.

Alice's time to shine.

The next day, Marcia and Greg are doing yardwork and Alice sees them from the family room window. She decides that she’s had enough and goes into the yard to ask the kids what’s going on. Greg won’t give it up, so she goes to Marcia. I know I mentioned that first season Marcia is a different Marcia, but what I didn’t say was how much I loved her. I love season one Marcia so much. Alice asks Marcia why she’s trimming the grass and Marcia says, “Because it’s here. Why do people climb mountains?” and I really miss that energy in later seasons. Alice finally gives the kids an ultimatum - tell her what’s up, or she’ll tell every kid she can find under the age of 15 what goody-two-shoes the Brady kids are. It’s deeply ironic that Ann B. Davis said that she wasn’t good with kids and when she talked to them she had to treat them like adults because she didn’t know how to treat them like kids when Alice Nelson so very clearly understood how kids ticked better than anyone. The kids let out that it’s a problem with the parents, and Alice points out how unfair it is that the kids would rather be perfect than talk to their parents about it since not talking about it won’t fix anything. Greg and Marcia agree with Alice and Greg decides to talk to their dad and Marcia will talk to their mom. Alice is left in the dark by giving advice before getting deeper into the problem.

Marcia and Carol talk.

Greg and Mike talk.

Marcia talks to Carol in the girls’ room and Greg talks to Mike in the boys’ room. Each parent thinks the kids are overreacting, but each kid points out the coincidences are a lot. Each parent then insists they didn’t write the letter, but each kid points out the other parent could have. I feel like Greg and Marcia should have had a debrief after this and like immediately figured out that their parents didn’t write the letter, but sitcom’s gotta sitcom.

Carol explains the situation to Alice.

In the kitchen, Carol gives Alice the advice column and when Alice reads the letter she quickly catches on to what happen. Carol asks Alice if she thinks Mike would have written the letter. Alice insists he wouldn’t, but it’s very clear she isn’t sure herself.

Mike talks to Alice about the same situation.

Later, in Mike’s den, Mike gives Alice “yesterday’s” paper that he “bought another copy of.” So many comments on that one line that didn’t need to be said at all because suspension of disbelief. It’s clearly been like three days, how is that yesterday’s paper? And when did you buy another copy? Not that same day, nobody cared what was missing from the paper. Did you go dumpster diving for old newspapers? I have way more questions than I would have had if Mike hadn’t explained how he had the paper at all. Mike asks Alice if she thinks the letter is about the Bradys, and if she thinks Carol could have written the letter. Alice insists Carol couldn’t have, but clearly has doubts. How? I get having those doubts when Carol raised the question, because the coincidences truly are a lot, but if both are wondering if the other wrote the letter, that means neither one did. Come on, Alice. You’re the smart one.

Who would rather move furniture than talk?

In the living room, Mike and Carol needlessly rearrange the furniture as they discuss the letter. Honestly, even though they’re beating around the bush they should have figured out at this point that neither of them wrote the letter. They hate how they rearranged the furniture and I hate that none of the adults have figured out that the letter did not come from this house yet.

Carol addresses the problem head on.

Finally, in Mike’s den, Carol just comes out and directly tells Mike that she didn’t write the letter and she’s happy with how things are going. Mike also says that he didn’t write the letter and he’s happy as well. They decide to tell the kids that neither of them wrote the letter after the TV show they’re watching is over.

Dear Libby to the rescue!

Maybe that didn’t feel resolution-y enough or there were a few minutes to kill or they wanted an extra guest in every single episode or something or just didn’t want a bottle episode for the second episode, but while the kids are watching TV the doorbell rings. Mike and Carol both answer the door and it’s Dear Libby. She reveals that she had received seven letters from the same house, concerned about a recent letter she had published. The letters were, of course, from the six kids and Alice. How fast was the postal service in 1969? Alice was concerned for all of a day. Maybe. Time is really weird in this episode. Anyway, Libby reveals that the letter came from Kingston, Illinois. The entire family is really happy, but this episode didn’t have to happen. Marcia knew Libby got letters from all around the country. She said it in the very beginning. Sure, there might not be very many families like them in Los Angeles, or even Southern California in 1969. But open it up to all the states and there would have to be at least a couple more, right? Everyone know about the North-Beardsleys at this point and they had 18 kids all together.

Can't trust anyone to trust anyone.

In the episode tag, Carol reveals she found Mike’s letter he wrote to Dear Libby but never sent. Carol shows Mike that she also wrote a letter she never sent. I like to believe writing the letter is what made Carol just straight forward tell Mike she didn’t write the other one, so Carol is maybe the smartest person in this whole episode.

And that’s it. This episode is one of the better rated episodes of the season on IMDB - it’s not the best, but it’s not the worst and it’s tied with a few other episodes. I’m going to be honest, it’s not one of my favorite. I kind of always gloss over this episode existing because it’s kinda contrived and the resolution could have happened so much sooner. Everyone had the pieces they needed to know the letter didn’t come from the Brady house almost immediately after the parents were involved. At no point after Carol and Mike telling each of their kids they didn’t write the letter did it make sense for anyone to think either of them wrote the letter. I don’t believe Greg and Marcia didn’t talk after. Alice was basically told by both of the parents they didn’t write the letter. Carol and Mike made it obvious they didn’t write the letter even though Carol still felt a need to just come out and say it. I do appreciate, however, that this episode acknowledges that blending a family may not necessarily go perfectly. The biggest shame, to me, is that the fact the Bradys are a blended family kind of take a back burner after the first season.

Thank you for joining me for this week’s dissection of “Dear Libby.” Do you have any thoughts? Do you think I’m way out of left field for finding this episode to be confusing and unnecessary? Let me know! Next week, we’ll be talking about “Eenie, Meenie, Mommy, Daddy.”